12 Projects in 2013 {Go "Poo-Free"}

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I would like to say that I am a health conscientious person. The reality is that I am just a cheapskate at heart who likes healthy stuff, but errs on the side of cheapness.

So when I read in Tsh Oxenreider's ebook One Bite at a Time about skipping conventional shampoo and conditioner for baking soda and cider vinegar, I was intrigued. Not so much by all the facts on why shampoo is bad for you {to my own shame}... more just out of sheer curiosity and the desire to cross one more product off of my shopping list. Told you; cheapskate at heart.

This spring I finally decided to give it a go when I ran out of my regular bottle of shampoo. I mixed a tablespoon of baking soda with a cup of water in an old squeeze bottle, and a tablespoon of cider vinegar with a cup of water in another. Voila, my new shampoo and conditioner!

What most surprised me at first is that my hair still got squeaky clean when I scrubbed it- the literal squeaky noise it makes, if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, my hair seemed a little coated and strange in texture. Maybe it was years of shampoo build-up that takes time to come off? Maybe my hair took a little longer to adjust than most people's. Maybe I needed to mix a different amount of baking soda to water. Maybe my pregnancy hormones interfered. Or maybe I should try the alternate no-poo method of just scrubbing down my head with a tablespoon of soda, more like a paste in consistency.

Regardless, about six weeks into my experiment, I still wasn't in love with my new hair. When I went on bed rest, I decided to just buy another bottle of shampoo. Because when I am on bed rest, I need to feel as clean and pretty as I can get. Also, my licensed beautician mother was coming out to help us, and I just wasn't brave enough to fess up to my experiment if I hadn't worked out the kinks.

Other observations: I shed drastically less while washing my hair with soda. I also needed to use less shampoo, less frequently, when I went back to regular shampoo.

I will say that apple cider vinegar is the best conditioner I have ever used. My hair felt smooth and was basically tangle free. My hair-styling mama even vouches for its excellence {and she is a self-proclaimed hair products snob}.

I still want to try this experiment again- because it is probably much healthier for me, and I would still like to cross shampoo off of my shopping list permanently. My plan is to give it another go a couple of months postpartum, giving my hormones a chance to normalize first.

Have you ever gone shampoo-less? I would love to hear about your experience {especially as I prepare to try it again}! What method did you use? Were the results everything you'd hoped for?

Overcoming Fear in Pregnancy {Introduction}

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage.

My second pregnancy abruptly ended at 27 weeks, with an extremely premature birth and a two month hospital stay for our daughter.

I've heard of full term babies dying due to undiscovered infections, cords wrapped around the neck, and gestational diabetes going undetected.

If anything is certain in life, it's that life is uncertain. Knowing the uncertainties- knowing that hearing a heart beat, seeing a healthy ultrasound, or making it to 40 weeks; that these things don't guarantee a healthy babe in arms- can be nightmarish to an expectant mother's peace of mind.

I am 24 weeks now with my third baby. 24 weeks with S was the week that my mucus plug fell out, I was hospitalized, the contractions kept coming, and we came very close to losing our little girl. To say that my nerves have "struggled" this week would be an understatement.

I could chose to rest on probabilities: an infection in my placenta is probably what caused my preterm labor with S, and the likelihood of such an infection occurring again is very rare.

I could chose to rest on medicine: I've been receiving progesterone shots for weeks that are supposed to help prevent preterm labor.

I could chose to stick my head in the sand: to ignore fears, shove them away, entertain myself to distraction and pretend that nothing hard or bad ever happens.

However, none of these options are good enough. Probabilities are meaningless when all of a sudden you become the one in a million. Medicine, while useful in its proper place, can't offer me any solid guarantees. Ignoring reality is also futile- unpleasant things happen in a sin cursed world, and to close my eyes to this will only set me up for future heart break.

Trading fears for faith is a battle. This week its been a moment-to-moment, hour-by-hour kind of warfare for my mind. While I don't have all the answers, and while I am still struggling to apply known truths to my heart, the Lord has mercifully reassured me in the goodness of His grace... no matter what the outcome of this pregnancy. Over the next few weeks I'd like to share the truths that have encouraged my soul in clinging to Christ.

Join me as I seek to overcome fear in pregnancy?

Other Posts in this Series:
A Call To Open Hands 
Knowing His Character
When Fears Are Realized

Linked with: Growing Home, Encourage One Another, and Raising Homemakers. 

Why Beauty Should Stay On Your To Do List {Guest Post by Trina Holden}

 I'm very excited to introduce my friend Trina Holden to you as today's guest poster :). Trina makes her home in upstate New York, where she spends her days as a busy homeschool mom, real foodie, and blogger. Her first ebook, Real Fast Food, is an excellent resource for busy moms who want to serve whole foods to their families. Trina just released her second book, Embracing Beauty, which I absolutely loved! Stay tuned for my upcoming review {and a giveaway!}. In the mean time, here's Trina...

 My life is an every-day whirlwind between 3 children, a diligent husband that works an ever-changing schedule, and not a small amount of traveling for the family business. Sometime in the chaos last year, I gave up on beauty. I thought I could live without it, so I let it slip off the to-do list.

Clean laundry, dinner on the table, bath times, bed times, and clean-those-toys-off-the-floor-so-we-can-walk-through-the-living-room filled out that list well enough, so I let beauty go. I was doing enough, wasn't I?

But just a few short months after dropping that ball, a part of me started to shrivel, to feel parched, undernourished to the point of starvation. It was my beauty detector--that part God put inside each of us that notices and appreciates beauty. See, God loves beauty--the Scriptures are full of references to God creating and celebrating beauty. Because we were made in His image, we, too, have an ability to create and celebrate beauty, thus bringing us in sync with our Creator.

He meant beauty for our joy. And when we neglect beauty, we miss out on a huge area He intended to bring refreshment and satisfaction to our souls. I don't know about you, mamma, but I have realized that I need every bit of joy I can find when the days are long and the nights way too short.





So, I've once again put 'Beauty' on my daily list. Sometimes it's as small as making sure to put a single flower in a vase on my kitchen windowsill. Sometimes it means packing the kids in the car and making a trip to the local thrift store to spruce up our wardrobes. Or, it's taking the time to transfer dinner to nice serving dishes before bringing it to the table.

One of the easiest ways for me to celebrate beauty is to take a quick photo on my phone of the every day beauty that pops up all the time if I'm watching for it. These little acts have once again put beauty in its rightful spot in my day--and put my soul in a place where it can thrive. Because every snap shot, every moment paused to relish His creation, every effort to embrace beauty can become an act of worship, thanking and praising my Lord, the author of all beauty.

If you desire to be more purposeful in celebrating beauty in your heart and home, I invite you to pick up a copy of my new book, "Embracing Beauty: Practical Style for Every Shape and Season of Motherhood" which will take you step by step in finding and creating more beauty more in the area of your personal style!

He Fills My Cup

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One night in college, I tossed and turned and could not sleep. Fear of death consumed me. Since I was five I've known I was a sinner, I've known I need Christ, I've believed that all who trust in Him will go to Heaven...

Yet still there was fear.

Death is a big unknown- we believe eternity comes after it, but none of us have physically experienced it. The unknown terrified me that night.

The next morning I opened my Bible to the scheduled passage in my devotional program. Not long into 2 Corinthians 5, I stumbled upon verse 8: "We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord." 

There it was- the very words my fearful heart needed to hear- to be absent from the body was to be in the Lord's presence. No need to fear death, no need to fear the unknown. I would be with Him; with Jesus, the Friend of sinners and Lover of my soul!

The Lord knew exactly what I needed to hear that very morning, and there it was, tucked away into a Bible reading plan, organized long ago by a man who didn't know who would be following it, or what they would need to read on what day. 

But the Lord knew! He orchestrated my reading, and filled my cup to overflowing!

Last night was another night of anxious tossing and turning, eight years later, over an entirely different issue. I cried and wrestled and could not be comforted. My heart was deaf and blind to the promises of God. Life seemed hopeless.

Then joy came with the morning. As I opened my Bible to the passages prescribed from Robert Murray McCheyene's Bible Reading plan, the very Scriptures I needed to be reminded of jumped off of the pages, filling my heart with joy and trust and comfort and perfect peace. The passage I read from Keep a Quiet Heart also perfectly addressed my silly fears.

Isn't it beautiful how the Lord does that for His children? We stumble through dry dessert periods, where we are reading and praying but still feel dry in our souls, to our bones. When we are at our very driest, He steps in, we hear the rattling, and out of the barren land these dry bones comes together, and flesh grows over them, and life is breathed into them. And suddenly our heart of stone is once again a heart of flesh. There is vigor and rejoicing and new life over flowing in our hearts.

This morning I am rejoicing, because my Lord has met me, and truly "my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever!"

 Has the Lord met you in a special way in a particular time of need? Please share so we may rejoice together! 

And if your heart is longing for such an encounter, ask the Lord! He delights to answer all who call upon Him.

Life Unplugged {Lessons from My Social Media Fast}

Photo by Mike Licht

Hello all! After two weeks without facebook, twitter, or blogs/blogging; I have returned- feeling refreshed and ready to get back into my online groove. 

This social media fast was an interesting experiment for me. I was afraid of finding out that I really did have a horrible addiction to social media. I was afraid that stepping away would be harder than it should.

It wasn't nearly as hard as I expected. My eyes were opened to some really good things the internet brings to my life (unobserved before the fast), but at the end of the day I was also fine to function joyfully without it.

Here's a few of the lessons I learned:

My life is rewarding, fulfilling, busy and meaningful without social media. I have a sweet little girl who delights and entertains me daily. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, challenges me, and supports me. The Lord has blessed us with a beautiful apartment that I enjoy being in and am quite busy taking care of! We have good local friends, a great church family, and countless blessings to enjoy. Life is full, good, and rich- with or without the internet.

Social media is a great way for stay-at-home moms to connect with other ladies. For the first time in my career as a SAHM, I felt slightly lonely during the day. This void made me realize that online interaction is a great encouragement in my role as a SAHM. Because I'm reading and writing and interacting with other like-minded ladies throughout my day, I am encouraged and inspired to be a better mom, homemaker, and wife. This is one of the biggest reasons that I am excited to be back!

Photo By Mike Licht

A person can only do so much. As usual, I was over-ambitious in my goals for my time away from the computer. I had hoped to tackle three major projects: 1) final Christmas preparations, 2) a complete deep clean and overhaul organization of our home, and 3) extra writing.

After a week of floundering in all three areas and not accomplishing much in any of them, I realized that I needed to narrow my focus. I picked one task and spent the second week devoted to it. It was better after that, but I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I could of if I had done this in the beginning!

Between caring for children, cleaning house, laundry, ironing, and cooking, we women already have quite a bit on our plates. Cutting out one area (in my case, social media) does not give you liberty to tack three extra major projects onto your agenda! That's just crazy ;).

I didn't miss much. Personally, I was glad to be off of facebook and twitter the day after the elections ;). I'm sure that the rantings that went up that day probably weren't worth my time and emotional energy! This week I'll be reading the back log of my favorite blogs and checking in on good friends via facebook....then I'll know what I need to know and won't worry about the rest. The world kept spinning without me, and it is perfectly okay that I missed some of it.

Being off line doesn't make you more spiritual or solve all of your problems. Even without social media, I couldn't possibly accomplish everything I wanted to get done in a day. And though I wasn't tempted to rush through my prayer time because I needed to put up a post while S was napping, I was tempted by the organizational projects and other "to dos" calling my name. It was still a struggle to quiet my heart and focus. This is an area of my life that needs attention and discipline, with or without the internet! 

All in all, I am glad to be back. How have you been over the last couple of weeks? I look forward to reconnecting!

Photo By Mike Licht

Have you ever fasted from social media? What key lessons did you learn from your experience?

His Timing is Perfect {Especially in the Little Things!}

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven... He has made everything beautiful in its time..." Ecclesiastes 3:1, 11a

I believe that God's timing is perfect, all the time. Really, I do. It is easiest for me to see His perfection in the big things.

When my daughter came three months earlier than her due date, the timing looked pretty faulty from a human perspective. Yet her birthday was orchestrated by a loving and Sovereign God, and He made everything about her early arrival beautiful in its timing.

I've seen God line up jobs for me and my husband just when we needed them. I've seen Him come through at the last minute with unexpected checks, much needed vehicles, and even perfect apartments to live in. 

The little things are harder for me. Slow service at a restaurant, computer problems, my daughter waking up from her nap an hour early as I'm right in the middle of an important project... that's when my spirit rebels against God's perfect timing. I bubble up with impatience and spew frustration.

Have you ever thought of your impatience as rebellion against God? The concept is a new one to me, but it has been earth shattering. If I believe that every single event in my day is planned and ordained by a holy and loving God, then to get angry over what I see as an "interruption" is just that: rebellion against His goodness.

If God ordained that my computer should crash, who am I to think I know better and get angry? If it was His plan that my doctor's appointment was inconveniently cancelled, why can't I trust Him to reschedule my agenda perfectly?

Do I really believe that His timing is perfect?

If I do, than today I can be joyful, patient and content, no matter the divine interruptions and apparent inconveniences that come my way. 

I'm not being a fatalist. I certainly hope that my computer does not crash, and that my day runs in a smooth and orderly fashion.

I'm not asking for trouble. I am asking Him for perfect peace and patience to roll with whatever He brings into my life today. That He would teach me to trust Him in everything, even and especially the little things.

Do you find it harder to trust God with the little things or the big things? How have you seen God work His perfect timing out in your life?

Linked with: Growing Home, Far Above Rubies, Time Warp Wife, and A Pause on the Path.

His Mercies Are New Every Morning {Even On Tired and Busy Ones!}

This week has been a busy one. On the outset, it looked like a very normal week. A play date on Tuesday, the potential opportunity of learning to can tomatoes with a lady from church....

Then my dentist's office called to ask if they could bump my appointment up one month early. "Sure! Great!" I thought. "Why not get it out of the way?"

That was yesterday, and now today I have to go back to the dentist for two fillings. Followed by yet another follow-up appointment yet to be determined. Awesome.

When I went to buy my bushel of tomatoes for canning, I ended up buying a bushel of green peppers too (for $6, who could pass it up???).

There are countless tomatoes to wash and can, countless green peppers to wash and chop and freeze, and fillings to be had. As well as all the normal duties of grocery shopping, meal planning and making, laundry and ironing, cleaning up house and doing dishes.

The cherry on top is that my daughter is teething. Our nights have been punctuated with screams and tears, and extra throw up. I've been waking up each morning just as tired as I was when I went to bed.

And then this morning my daughter threw up in her car seat (for the second time this week!) on our way to dropping my husband at work. Just add another load of laundry to my tight schedule and staggering to-do list!

My first, knee-jerk reaction is to complain and shut down. Dramatic, I know.

This morning I determined that the first words my eyes would read would be God's Words (not the words of my RSS feed or email!). I hoped to find strength and empowerment for the day... to be honest, I just felt tired.

So I kept complaining. To my husband on the way to work, in my spirit all the way home.

When my daughter started her nap I knew I needed to make a change. I set a timer for a 20 minute power nap. When it went off, I didn't want to get up!

But I shot up a prayer asking for strength and grace, and made myself get up anyway.

I feel revived in energy right now. I am praying that it lasts!

And I am praying that His Spirit will fill me with JOY- so that I will not be dragged down with stress and anxiety, feeling frazzled and burnt out at the end of this day....

I'm reminding myself that His mercies are new every morning, and that His faithfulness is great. Stories like this one also put many things into perspective. I'm reading Elyse Fitzpatrick's Because He Loves Me right now, and it also is helping my heart and outlook immensely.

Because life isn't just about surviving, but thriving. Enjoying Him and glorifying Him, growing in grace daily. 


My 20 minute blogging timer is about to go off :). Say a prayer for me on this busy day, please?

Casting All of My Anxieties on Him...

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  "...casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

My Anxiety: The uncertainties of pregnancy; miscarriage, preterm labor, and other life and death complications.

He Cares for Me:  
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

My Anxiety: I am completely inadequate as a parent. I feel overwhelmed by the pressures of always having to the decisions and tough calls. I don't have anywhere close to all of the answers!

He Cares for Me:
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

My Anxiety: Tight finances.

He Cares for Me: 
"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"Better is the little that the righteous has than the abundance of many wicked." Psalm 37:16

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." Psalm 34:8-10

No matter what your anxiety may be today friend, cast it on the Lord. He will sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved.

For Women Whose Motherhood Journey has Been Hard

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As follow-up to last week's post, I just wanted to tie up a few loose ends that have been rolling around in my head.

I challenged mom's who've had it easy to stop complaining. To remember that conception, pregnancy and delivery isn't uncomplicated for everyone, and to be sensitive to women around them who might be hurting.

But there is something important for the hurting woman to remember.

If I hadn't lost my first child to miscarriage, I too would have assumed that every mom experiences the joy of hearing a beating heart in the first trimester.

Even though I did lose my first baby to miscarriage, I still complained about my exhaustion and nausea in the first trimester with my second. Because even though I didn't take my child's life for granted, feeling so yucky was very trying in those moments.

If I hadn't gone into preterm labor with S, I would have complained at 40 weeks about my heartburn, and sleepless nights, and constant discomfort.

If I hadn't known the agony of two months in the NICU, I would have continued to assume that babies are always healthy and colic is the worst ever thing that could happen to a new mom.

If I hadn't had an emergency C-section, I would have continued to look down my nose at the women who didn't do it the "natural" (and thus, obviously better) way. Oh, my horrid pride. I would have whined about my 40 hours of labor, the pain of recovery, and the ensuing sleepless nights.

Even when you are hurting, it is important to remember that we are all sinners. As sinners, complaining and pride come easily to us.

If you're road had not been so painful and hard, you (in all likelihood) would have complained about the same things that grate on you coming from a mom whose road was easier.

The next time you hear her unburdening her "load" of a relatively normal pregnancy and birth, stop gritting your teeth, and take a deep breath.

Remember that if you were in her shoes, you might be saying the same insensitive things to some hurting woman, unaware of the pain you were causing.

Remember to be merciful. Ask the Lord for His grace, and that you might be able to show it to others.

What she is experiencing is difficult, and in moments of personal difficulty, we tend to forget that others have difficulties of their own.

I guess my purpose in writing these posts has been to encourage a bit more love and understanding on both sides. This is my call to mutual sympathy and sensitivity. To rejoice with those who rejoice, and to weep with those who weep.

The Road to Motherhood (Isn't Always Easy)

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We take so much for granted in this life.

"I am in control of my fertility."

"I will be having     children."

"I plan on having a natural birth... or an epidural... or whatever other birth plan I've devised."

"Of course I'll have a healthy pregnancy- my mother was healthy as a horse and had 5 babies, no problem!"

We forget about the Curse. The pain involved in childbirth. The reality that life is a vapor, often quenched too soon. That God alone is the Giver of Life, who opens and closes wombs without consulting any of us.

Sometimes the trouble is in the beginning. You start to try for a baby, but it never comes. Months turn into years, years into a decade... no pregnancy. You watch your friends who are fruitful and multiplying, attend their showers, babysit for their precious broods.... all the while wondering if your turn will ever come.

Hundreds of parents wait for a year, even two, for the completion of their adoption process and the arrival of their long anticipated child. Vast amounts of money spent, hours of anxiety and hope and excitement as they are forced to simply wait.

Then there are the fertile Myrtles, who can't seem to stop getting pregnant. But even overcoming this first obstacle on the road to motherhood is no guarantee (I speak as a woman who's gotten pregnant "on accident" twice).

Early (and late) miscarriages rob the womb of life. One in every three pregnancies ends this way. The anticipated due date arrives, and you find yourself crying in the bathroom when everyone else has forgotten your loss. You wonder what they would have looked like, what today would have been like if things had gone differently...

Sometimes the second trimester is achieved, and you think you are safe- you've heard the heart beat, know the gender, you're decorating a nursery as your belly starts to swell. Then pre-term labor (the rising Western epidemic) drops like a bomb shell, interrupting all your well laid plans.

You might come home empty armed after all. Or home with a baby, but after months in a hospital- with a little one who will bear the scars of prematurity for the rest of their life.

Even more tragic is the baby lost full-term, due to a cord cutting off air or labor complications. Oh, how the heart of the healing mother must ache as she lays in the mom-and-baby ward with no baby, hearing the cries of infants down the hall...

Or the child lost at six months. Or one year. Or five, or ten, or twenty... Death is the sinister reality of a world gone wrong.

Our hope is in Christ and in the goodness of God. The future world to come, in which He wipes every tear away from our eyes.

And yet the road right now is hard.

If your road to motherhood was easy, don't feel guilty. Thank God! Rejoice in His kindness, and delight in your precious babies.

Just please don't forget that it doesn't work that way for all of us. We don't resent you (though at times, we struggle with envy), but it is painful to listen to complaints of the woes of morning sickness, or the trials of your third trimester, or the agonies of your uncomplicated delivery. The annoyance you feel towards your house-full of children, the piles of diapers, your lack of "me" time.

May God give us grace to complain a little less, and to rejoice in Him a whole lot more. To never forget that life is always a miracle, and always precious. To be sensitive to the women around us who long for what we just take for granted.

May we seek to ease and encourage and love the women whose road is harder then ours. To offer compassion, to show sensitivity, to weep with those who weep.

Photo Credit

 Linked with: Raising Homemakers, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, and Women Living Well.

A Monumental Day

Pre-Wedding Festivities

On June 25th four years ago, I was only three days away from getting married. My parents were in town, and we were hustling and bustling with wedding stress and joy. 

On June 25th three years ago, our first baby was due. We had found out the following December that they wouldn't be coming after all. It was a day of mourning and remembering our first major loss as a couple.

On June 25th two years ago, I cried in the car for the baby I never got to meet, who would have been almost one. My Niall gently reminded me that June is also a month of joy, and that I didn't need to cry every year on June 25th out of some bizarre mother guilt. I wondered if and when we would ever be parents.

Goofy Anniversary Fun

On June 25th one year ago, it was a typical Saturday morning. I exercised and cleaned and grocery shopped, looking forward to celebrating our anniversary later that evening with Niall. Instead I ended up checking into our hospital's labor and delivery ward when my mucus plug fell out at only 24 weeks.

We almost delivered S that night, we stared the possibility of losing baby #2 right in the face. The Lord chose life over death this time, and we are thankful, oh so very thankful, for the precious gift of S.

Hanging out on Bed Rest

Today I am thankful and rejoicing (despite the rain and thunderstorms) as I remember the June 25th's of years gone by.

I am thankful for (almost!) four years of joyful marriage, and love that gets sweeter and deeper as time unfolds.

I am thankful for the hard and painful times He has brought us through as a couple. I'm thankful that they didn't break us, but only drew us closer to each other and Him.

I am thankful that I am not in the hospital, suffocated by dry air, riddled with needle holes and hooked up to multitudes of monitors and I.V. drips. That I am free to enjoy summer this year- with walks in the sunshine, glasses of homemade iced tea, and flip flop tan lines on my feet.

I'm thankful that S is here to enjoy it with me- healthy, happy, a bundle of blessing and joy. Her NICU days a distant and blurry memory.

At Church (One of S's First Sundays!) with Niall's Folks

June 25th hasn't been an easy day in years past. But today it is sweet, and I am counting a multitude of blessings bestowed on us by the Giver of all good things.

Complete Your Joy By Sharing It

 This weekend we had the privilege of visiting an older gentleman from our church at his new nursing home.

Pastor Bill is a retired minister. He is such a sweet blessing to our congregation, one of the nicest men you'll ever meet.

He adores S. When Niall called him Saturday to ask if we could pop over for a visit, he said, "Don't you dare come without my little baby." :)

So we packed up our little darling and hit the road. After a nice visit, it was time for Pastor Bill to head down to the dining room for the evening meal.

We agreed to walk him down and get him settled. He was one of the last residents to enter the dining room, and as we walked in, I

 felt the eyes turning onto us. A hush literally fell over the room.

Well, really, all of the eyes were glued on S. She was staring at the bright light fixtures, cooing and chatting, happy as a little clam.

Pastor Bill introduced us to the residents at his table, who all eagerly reached for S's fat baby hands, stroking her chubby cheeks and telling us about when their babies were little.

It was precious. Their eyes brightened, smiles turning up on wrinkly cheeks, joy beaming from their faces.

The room was alive with whispers and pointing, and I knew what I had to do. As Niall put it later, it was the right thing to do.

We carried S from table to table, introducing her to everyone, letting them touch and talk and smile and laugh.

The residents were delighted. The next day at church Pastor Bill told us that S was the talk of the evening. One little baby brought so much joy to so many people.

My heart was brimming with joy, happy to overflowing. S brings so much delight to Niall and I. I never knew how one little person could turn our world inside out and make it so much sweeter.

What better way to spread our joy than by sharing it with others? Taking her out, passing her around, boldly declaring that life is precious and children are no burden, but a blessing.

Our joy was complete in sharing it with others.


How do you share joy with others? 

Linked with: Raising Homemakers, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, and Encourage One Another.

Reflections and Resolutions

Yesterday my daughter napped for TWO CONSECUTIVE HOURS (which has never happened before...can you tell I'm excited???), so I sat down and had a quiet time of reflection.

First, I read Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions, slowly, savoring them.

Then I took out a pen and paper *gulp* and started making lists (I love lists, don't you?).

List number one was besetting sins I see in my life. I came up with 17... what is scary to me is the ones that I didn't think of. The Lord only knows how sinful we really are ( though my husband might be a good one to ask. I'm sure he could think of a few I've missed).

The second list was "Culprits in Feeding My Flesh"- e.g; manifestations of my besetting sins, or things that help to sustain them. For example, one of my besetting sins is time wasting. One big way I waste time is browsing the internet without intention or purpose (can we say Facebook Newsfeed especially?!?!). This went on my "Culprits" list.

Finally, I flipped the paper over and wrote out some resolutions. Here are a few of them:

• To not stare at screens all day. To look people (especially Niall and S) in the face while in their presence. 
• To NEVER AGAIN read my Facebook Newsfeed (drastic? perhaps, but I have a drastic issue here).
• To only go online with a detailed plan, check list, and time limit.
• To identify when I'm in the mood for wasting time or needlessly vegetating, and to instantly choose something worthwhile to do and take a purposeful course of action.
• To take rest and relaxation when needed intentionally, with a time limit and plan.

Most of these resolutions have to do with my time wasting, internet and entertainment addictions, and laziness.

While specific resolutions like this can be good for identifying particular areas of struggle, when comparing my resolutions to the great Jonathan Edwards, I noticed some glaring differences.

His resolutions centered on a desire to glorify God, and dealt directly with his heart and mind, his inner man as well as the outer. 

All of his resolutions are good, things that any committed and true Christian ought to be willing to adopt. They focus on obeying God, loving God and others, doing ones duty, and not wasting even a moment of time.

As I read them, I realized that my own heart was hesitant to adopt such radical life guidelines. Why is that?

Maybe its that I realize how hard they are and how sinful I am, how impossible it is to accomplish them on my own (a realization Edwards himself was fully aware of, at the top of his resolutions is a humble acknowledgement of his own inability, and a pleading request that the Lord enable him to fulfill them only as they would honor Him).

Maybe I am intimidated. Maybe I am lazy. Maybe I just want to be a good wife and mom because it makes my life happier and easier, or pleases others around me. I think that all of these things factor into it.

What it really comes down to, however, ultimately is this: , I don't really love God as I ought to, and I would much rather do things my own way than live a life of bond slave obedience.

There. I said it. I love myself more than I love God. This is the heart of idolatry. This is my heart.

Father, forgive me. 

In an effort to mortify my flesh (which again, can only be accomplished by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit), I am going to do the very thing which I'd rather not.

I'm going to be reading Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions once a week, and picking them apart, one resolution and one week at a time.

Do I think that Edwards' words are of ultimate significance and importance? Only so far as the infallible and unfailing Word of God is communicated therein. Obviously, Scripture is of far exceeding value, and the ultimate literature to be studied for the rest of my life. I get that.

But there is very much gospel grace living in his words. This man was a biblical, godly man, who really nailed a lot of big Christian life issues in the head.

Starting Monday, I will be beginning with Resolution #1, and sharing my observations and thoughts here on the blog.

Join me? It will be 70 hard weeks (Lord willing!) of mortifying our flesh and striving to live lives of sacrificial obedience to God.

It won't be easy. But by God's grace I hope that it will be beneficial, even life changing- for His glory.

*P.S- I have also come to a Pumping Resolution (for now at least). I'm going to start slowly weaning, and see how it goes. So far I've cut down to five pumps a day, and already I'm noticing a dip in supply, which is emotionally difficult in ways I did not expect. If I can deal with my emotional self :), I hope to cut one daily pump out per week, which should stretch my weaning out to S's first birthday.*

Linked With: Finer Things Friday and Weekend Whatever.

The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards and Becoming the Woman I Want to Be

Lately I've been feeling very introspective. Stress (over pumping, as I mentioned yesterday, and the busyness of life, among other things) has made me stop and examine myself.

 *Side note: When you are stressed out, it is a red flag and warning sign. Pay attention to it! Stop what you are doing, and ask yourself 1)WHY you feel stressed out, 2) WHAT you ought to do about it. Make a point of seeking the Lord in prayer right then and there, and refocusing your eyes upon Him, getting back into fellowship and communion with Him. I've found that when I'm stressed, I am anxious, and not trusting Him or walking with Him.*

I've been taking a deeper look at my life and what I am really accomplishing with it.

What I'm finding is that I have grand ideas about the kind of Christian, wife, and mother I want to be. But I am not living like that woman right now. Subconsciously I've tucked her away into the future, and haven't given much heed to becoming her right now. 

I am never going to be that woman in the future if I don't start heading in her direction today.

Have you ever read Jonathan Edwards' 70 Resolutions? If not, please take a few minutes and do so! You will be challenged.

When he was only 19, Jonathan Edwards sat down and make some conscientious, thoughtful decisions about how he wanted to live life (in light of God and His goodness), and the man he wanted to become. He wrote these things down on paper in the form of 70 statements, and made a point of reviewing and rereading them weekly for the rest of his life.

Jonathan Edwards went on the become a great and godly Pastor, highly influential in America's Great Awakening of spiritual revival. Today he is still known as the most brilliant theologian in American history, and is respected by all (even those who reject Christianity) in academia for his intellect and accomplishments.

He and his wife Sarah (another great lady, by the way!) went on to have 11 children, and their descendants have been some of the most prominent and outstanding American citizens in the history of our country. His legacy did not die with him.

What does this have to do with my week of introspection?  Well, Jonathan Edwards has challenged me to form my own list of resolutions. Not the New Year kind that fade and are quickly forgotten, but the kind that become an integral part of my daily life, that I review weekly, that help to shape the woman I long to become.

I'm taking time (while my daughter naps) to think and pray about these things, and to put them to paper. When I've cemented them a bit more clearly, I will happily share them with you.

What guidelines are you living by? Do you know what kind of woman you'd like to be 5, 10, even 20 years down the road? How are these desires shaping your life today?

Linked with: Beautiful Thursdays, and Hearts for Home.

Just Let the Woman Do Your Dishes!

Photo Credit

"Just give up now," my husband counseled me. "Let the woman do your dishes!"

It was Tuesday evening, and his parents had arrived only hours earlier. We had just finished dinner, and there was a pile of dirty dishes on my counter. My sweet mother-in-law was insisting on washing them, despite all of my adamant protests.

The last time they visited, baby S had only been home with us for a month. I was in the sleepless nights, new baby haze, and was thrilled to have her take care of housework and let me nap.

But this time would be different, I swore to myself. S is ten months old, we are into a great routine, sleeping through nights... I don't need help. Cathy (my mom-in-law) can just relax!

Yet here she was again, loving as can be, wanting to help me. Why couldn't I just let her?

As women, we have a natural tendency to think that we just have to get everything done, all by ourselves. Superwoman? Oh yes! We can cook, clean, launder, care for our children- and we don't need anyone's help to do it.

This super-woman complex? Really, it's just pride. We don't have our acts together, and sometimes accepting help can seem like admitting this awkward truth.

Yet it is true. We all need help! We need the grace of God and the righteousness of Christ to cover our sin, and sometimes in the day-to-day business of life as mom, we're going to need help from family and friends around us.

Help with making a meal, watching the kids, cleaning up house, running an errand.... even if you can get it all done, sometimes it is refreshing to have a friend come beside you and share the load. Give you a break. Let you rest.

Eventually (getting over this pride thing doesn't come easy), I was able to listen to my husband's counsel. I let Cathy do the dishes (most of the time), vacuum my floor, play with the baby while I wrote.

It was really refreshing. How nice to walk into a clean kitchen that I didn't clean, enjoy quiet time alone, have a little break.

And Cathy loved it too. She wants to help, she enjoys ministering to me, and even doing my dishes was a joy to her.

This week, I'm back on my own. Guess what- I get to do my dishes alone every. single. day. now. So it was really nice to have a break, because now life is back to normal. To be honest, I wouldn't mind the extra help forever ;).

If someone is offering to help you out, LET THEM! Let go of that nasty pride, be willing to step aside, and experience the blessing that results. Not only will you be blessed by the break, your helper will be blessed by the opportunity to serve you.

Just let the woman do your dishes!

Linked With: Encourage One Another, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well, and A Wise Woman Builds Her Home.

For Such a Time as This: Seeing the NICU as a Ministry Opportunity

One of my greatest regrets from our NICU days was my lack of boldness- people wondered why I was joyful, how I could smile when my baby was hospitalized... sometimes I gave the glory to God. But many times I did not.

Some very special NICU nurses on S' going home day!

If I could go back, I would speak up more. Instead of just saying the miracles were the result of prayer, or that we trusted God, I would share the GOSPEL. Explain that no matter what happened to S, Niall and I could have joy because of what Christ has accomplished on our behalf.

We've put our trust in His sacrifice for sins, we know God, and we've been given abundant riches and an eternity in Heaven by Christ Jesus. And anyone who acknowledges that they are a sinner, repents of their sin (not just feeling sorry, but turning around), placing their faith in Christ for the forgiveness of their sins, can know Him too.

It isn't enough to talk vaguely of God, faith and prayer- in this anything-goes age of tolerance, which God am I referring too? A big grandfather in the sky who laughs and overlooks our sins? A man whom I impress with the good things I do?

No. The God of the Bible is Holy. He cannot tolerate the slightest sin (whether it be a little "white" lie, laziness, gossip, etc.), and He has said in His Word that NO ONE is good (Romans 3:10-12). Our only hope of making it to Heaven is if God Himself intervenes. And He did; He sent His perfect Son to live a life free of sin, then to die on our behalf, paying the penalty for our sins, and rise again. Anyone who puts their faith in Christ can have Heaven for free, it is a gift (Ephesians 2:8-9).

If I could go back, I would seek to encourage other parents struggling through the NICU roller coaster with these truths. Not just nodding and saying I understand their grief, but pointing them to the God who is good even and especially in the grief.

I can't go back. But if the Lord has placed you in the NICU for this season of your life, please consider: He has put you there for such a time as this. You are surrounded by doctors, nurses, and hurting parents who do not know Him, and need to. Be bold. Be gracious, but be bold.

Whatever season of life you find yourself in today, there are people who need the gospel... and how will they hear unless if we speak? This is probably one of the greatest struggles of my Christian walk! I fear man (which brings a snare), I am ashamed of the gospel.

Lord forgive me, and help me to be bolder. 

Who are you seeking to share the gospel with within your sphere of influence? Have you been changed by faith in the gospel of God's Son?

Just When I'd Almost Forgotten...

I'd almost forgotten that my daughter is different. That she came into the world in a crazy way, had a very rough start, that we didn't know how things would turn out or what to expect.... Almost.

Then yesterday, S had her nine month check up. "Hooray! Nine months!" I thought. "It's been so nice, maybe the doctor will even give us permission to take her out...."

No. My daughter is different. Her first Sunday at church will be in June, at eleven months old, when RSV is dead and gone for the year.

At nine months she weighs less than 14 pounds, and the doctor is concerned she's not catching up as quickly as she should. So we're due back in two weeks for yet another weight check.

Just when I thought we were done with those (we hadn't seen the doctor in three months). Just when I thought things were normal, and that my baby was perfect. 

She is- she is beautiful, and funny, sweet tempered and our delight. She just figured out how to pulls her toes into her mouth the other day, and she chuckles hysterically when we pretend to eat her tummy.

But when I hear that we're stuck at home for another two months, and that she isn't progressing as well as they want her to... I just feel like I've been punched in the gut. The joy deflates, I feel like a failure. I just want things to be perfect for her.

This morning I had to get back on my knees and confess. Ask the Lord's forgiveness for my ungrateful, distrusting spirit. For forgetting all of the things that could have gone wrong but didn't. For wanting things perfect and easy and normal, instead of His higher, better way.

"As for God, His ways are perfect, His understanding past searching out..."

"'For my ways are not your ways,' declares the LORD.'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours...'"

Yes, I have so much to be thankful for. Yes, God has been good to me. Yet sometimes it is a struggle to not be discouraged by life's fallen, imperfections.

I just wanted you to know that if you feel the same way too, you are not alone...

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5b

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits..." Psalm 103:2

"Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart." Psalm 73:1

The Deadliness of Self-Indulgence

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Today I'm sharing with you one of the verses in the Bible that I find to be the most convicting as a woman.

Paul is talking to Timothy about widows, which ones qualify to receive the church's charity and which ones don't. I am not a widow, yet I still find 1 Timothy 5:3-7 ripe with information relevant to myself.

"She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives." 1 Timothy 5:5,6

 And suddenly I see myself in the mirror, a dead woman walking. Oh how I love my indulgences. My 3rd cup of tea or coffee for the day. One chocolate chip cookie after breakfast.... or two... or three. Sitting on the couch reading a novel while my kitchen lays in ruins from the weekend.

I am self-indulgent. And according to God, I am dead even while I live. What does that mean? That I am useless? Without purpose? Dead in sin? I'm not too sure, but I know it isn't a good thing.

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." Proverbs 25:28. Defenseless, open to temptation, no barriers or boundaries, not a chance of flourishing.

When I let down my "city walls" and indulge in one area, I am opening the door to indulgences in every area. This is the big lesson I took away from chapter 13 of Jerry Bridges Respectable Sins, entitled "Lack of Self-Control."

"Despite the scriptural teaching on self-control, I suspect this is one virtue that receives little conscious attention from most Christians. We have boundaries from our Christian culture that tend to restrain us from obvious sins, but within those boundaries we pretty much live as we please. We seldom say 'no' to our desires and emotions. A lack of self-control may well be one of our more 'respectable' sins. And because we tolerate this, we become more vulnerable to other 'respectable' sins." (Respectable Sins, page 110)

Bridges defines self-control as "a governance or prudent control of one's desires, cravings, impulses, emotions and passions. It is saying no when we should say no. It is moderation in legitimate desires and activities (like a cookie, cup of tea, or reading, say), and absolute restraint in a areas that are clearly sinful (gossip, for example)."

I really can't remember the last time I said no to a piece of chocolate. Or just five more minutes of reading (or ten, or fifteen, or twenty... you know how that goes). I eat what I want when I want, and I do what I want when I want. As a stay-at-home mom, I am my own boss. No one is looking over my shoulder, checking up on me.

I am selfish and self-indulgent. I consider my own desires to be more important than the desires of others, and allow my indulgences to inhibit my service of others. Like indulging myself in wasted time when I should be serving my family by cleaning my home or making dinner.

But I'm really not my own boss, am I? Scripture instructs me to "work heartily, as unto the Lord and not as unto men." And my precious Savior bids me to deny myself, to take up my cross daily and follow Him. The man who came not to be served, but to serve. Who did not do His own will, but the will of the Father who sent Him.

So what will I choose today? Will I be self-indulgent, as good as dead in the eyes of the Lord? Or will I choose self-control, to deny myself and follow Him? To give life to my family by lovingly putting their interests before my own...

I don't have it all together. This is a battle I fight every day, almost every minute. Self-control "covers every area of life and requires an unceasing conflict with the passions of the flesh that wage war against our souls" (Bridges, 111).

To equip myself for the daily battle, I've memorized Galatians 6:7-10.

"Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." 

In the day to day struggle, I am trying to remind myself to sow unto the Spirit. Pick up the cookie, or turn away because I am not hungry? Pick it up, sow to your flesh. Turn away, sow to the Spirit. Sit on the couch for just five more minutes, or get up and start making dinner? Sit and sow to the flesh, or get up and sow to the Spirit.

 I am still frequently losing the battle and sowing to my flesh.

Lord, please give me the grace to sow to the Spirit more often...

How are you doing in the battle against indulging your flesh? What means of grace have you found to be the most helpful in your struggles with self-control?

Linked with Teach me Tuesdays @ Growing Home.

We Live By Faith {Not Feelings}

"but the righteous shall live by his faith." Habakuk 2:4 b

We are called to live by faith, not feelings. In obedience to do that which we know to be right. 

To get out of bed when the alarm goes off, even though we feel like staying under the covers. 

To force ourselves to exercise and get our body moving, even though we feel like loafing on the couch.

To shower and dress, though our sweat pants feel so comfortable.

To faithfully serve our families, keeping a clean home and meals cooked, even though we might prefer reading a book, watching a movie, surfing the web....

To live by faith, not by feelings. 

On rainy days, I find this particularly challenging. Or when I'm tired because the baby was fussy and kept me up late. Or when my hormones are making me feel totally deranged. 

Our feelings are funny things, always changing, depending on our circumstances, our physical condition, the amount of rest we have or have not gotten. If we lived by feelings, we would accomplish very little for the kingdom.

Be encouraged: "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

May God give you grace to serve Him with renewed spirits and fresh energy today! To live by faith, purposing to take dominion over fleeting feelings! 

That the Works of God Might be Displayed

Yesterday morning as I was completing my Bible Reading Plan for the day, I was struck by Luke 9:1-3.

"As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'
Jesus answered, 'It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

How quick we are to forget in the painful times that God has a purpose in all things. Even when a baby is born blind... or three months early... or with other significant setbacks.

God has a purpose in everything, and that purpose is that His works might be displayed and His name glorified. Pain is not always punishment, it is never an accident, and it is always for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

So I must ask, are you willing to joyfully suffer, that the works of God might be displayed in you? Then the harder question- are you willing to watch your children suffer, that the works of God might be displayed in them?

Oh, how we love our babies. We want the very best for them. I remember watching S in the incubator, when she was still so tiny, wondering and worrying what the permanent side effects of her prematurity might be.

As I considered the painful list of possibilities, my heart ached to take them for her. Oh, that they could be my pains to bear, and not hers! If I could take them on me, and she could walk away unscathed...

It doesn't work that way. Pain and brokenness will reach our children in this fallen, sin cursed world. Do we trust the One who afflicts them? Can we run to Him and rest in Him, trusting Him even when He decrees that they suffer?

Is our greatest desire for God to be glorified? Will we willingly lay down our cherished dreams of blissful, happy lives for our children, in order that His name be praised through their burdens and griefs?

If I am truly honest, this is painfully difficult for me. This is the key hurdle for the Christian parent; to love Christ more. To not treasure our children as idols, to count the cost of true discipleship. And I must confess that I fall short.

Oh Lord, give us this faith. The faith to leave our babies in your hands, to love You the most, and to exhibit joyful, peaceful trust in You even when you ordain that they suffer.

That the works of God might be displayed in them. 

Linked with Mommy Monday and The Better Mom.