All of this writing and talking and thinking about love and marriage has birthed a question in my mind: Do I love my husband?
Certainly I love him; I married him, I enjoy him, I love who he is and just being with him. But if love is an action word, how am I doing at loving him in the nitty-gritty aspects of our life?
In the quiet of my mind I looked up hesitantly at this giant of a question. Embarrassed, unsure if I really wanted to examine... and the answer stared back down at me. I am still so selfish, so very unloving.
Timeliness matters to my husband, starting family devotions right at eight. I know this... but I still selfishly try to cram as much as I can get done into the last few minutes and always cause us to start late. I'm not loving him.
My husband is encouraged to faithfulness in early morning devotions when I get up at the same time as him. Yet each day this week I've snuggled deeper under the covers, letting him face the cold early hour alone, fighting sleepiness more bravely than I. I've lingered where he wants to linger and rushed out of bed at the last possible minute, adding stress to both of our mornings. I haven't loved him.
When the little thought nagged me from the back of my head that I should take care of something he normally does just to lighten his load, I suppressed it and went back to what I wanted to do. I've listened and let the baby fuss, waiting for him to put down his work so that I didn't have to put down mine. I've failed to prioritize the things he's asked me to prioritize. This is not love.
I've nagged and complained and dumped, adding burdens to the back already weighed down with family cares.
This week I am forcing myself to stop pushing the little voice down, and to actually listen and act on its instructions. To be ready and waiting a few minutes before eight each night. To rise with him when the alarm goes off (for Pete's sake, I can get back in bed for a nap later, unlike him!). To willingly and joyfully put his needs and desires first.
It is hard, because I am selfish and love self more than I love him.
So I must ask you dear reader,
Do you love your husband?
Linked Up With: Proverbs 31 Thursday and Hearts 4 Home.
