Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Choose Your Love, Love Your Choice

As a little girl I remember my father's wise counsel concerning marriage.

"Choose your love, and love your choice."


While you are single, you have a choice. Choose wisely.

Find a man that you can respect and submit to joyfully. A man of character, who works hard, is committed to Christ and His church, and treats you lovingly, gently, and respectfully. A man whose friends you like, and who likes your friends (marriage is the closest friendship, and if you don't see eye-to-eye hear, it is a big red flag).

If you are married, you've made your choice.

As a kid it was always comforting when my parents assured me that divorce simply wasn't an option for them. They had covenanted with each other before God, so even though they might argue or have a season of difficulty, they were in it for the long haul.

One of the things that surprised me when I got married was how easy divorce could be. My husband is wonderful and I love him immensely, but it is all too easy to let little things get under your skin. Little quarrels left unresolved build big chasms. It can be very easy to coexist, just living together, too busy and distracted to invest in one another.

It happens all the time. Resentments are fostered. Quality together time is neglected. Weeds of disinterest and bitterness grow up, spoiling the joy and order of the marriage garden.

Today I want to encourage you to LOVE your choice.

Purpose to show him love. To thank him for the good he does. To focus on counting rights, not wrongs.

Every day I try to write out ten blessings- things I am thankful to God for. I think of things I am learning from the Word of God, the beautiful glimpses of nature I get from my window, physical and material gifts, things I appreciate about my daughter.

And every day, to foster love for my choice, I am purposing to think of one thing about Niall that I am thankful for. Whether it is something nice he did, a virtue he possesses that I admire, or something sweet that we've enjoyed as a couple.

Just to remind myself of why he was my choice. And to choose to love him today.

How are you loving your Choice today? 

2 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for this post... This is an answer to my prayers.

    I am about to be married in one month. We have had a wonderful courtship, but it has been extremely difficult because the majority of these eight months have been spent apart from one another. I haven't seen her in three months.

    Sometimes I am filled with bitterness, which I recognize comes from my pride. She has a lot of debt, and was previously married. Sometimes she isn't as proactive as me in her pursuits of her goals, and our goals, and it creates tension. Sometimes the adversary whispers to me, "Is this really the one that you want to love? Don't you deserve better?"

    Coincidentally, I also strive to keep a "gratitude journal," in which I write the things I am grateful for daily. I also felt prompted to begin a journal in which I write, just as you said, one thing I love about my fiance every day, as a gift for her for our first anniversary. I have been negligent of these two things for the past two weeks, and I can feel it.

    I quote you: "focus on counting rights, not wrongs". There are so many ways that we are compatible for one another that transcend the answers typically given to questions such as, "Why do you love her?" The only real answer to this question should be, "because I choose to." Your spiritual and academic resume cannot be the cement by which a solid foundation of eternal love is composed. I agree, that it is a daily choice, to choose to love them every day, even when their faults are more apparent, or they are falling short of your/their own expectations of themselves.

    I'm going to get right on that journal, and start praying for more humility to recognize my own imperfections, and to love her better.

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