Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Four Things to Remember When You'd Like to be Pregnant but Aren't


Right now it seems that almost all of my good friends {and a disproportionately large number of acquaintances} are pregnant. I love babies, and I love celebrating the bumps of friends... heck, even the bumps of strangers!

The kicker is that I thought our family would be welcoming number three next month. We won't be. And even though my miscarriage was six months ago, my body doesn't seem to be fully recovered or fertile again. Each month I find out that yet again I am still not expecting. And I'd like to be.

So I am waiting and wondering and trusting the Lord {most days}. While I don't feel quite anxious yet, it is sometimes a temptation. Here are the truths that I keep whispering in my heart as a reminder on the tougher days.

1. Childbearing is not a competition. So many of my friends are having their third and fourth babies... and sometimes it makes me feel behind. But adding to your family is not a race. God has a different plan for every family.

Having a smaller amount of children doesn't make me less of a mother. It's been said that comparison is the thief of joy, and I believe it. So I give myself a mental slap on the wrist and shout, "No comparing!"

2. God knows what I need. Maybe the Lord knows that I am just not ready for another pregnancy or baby. Maybe two is all that I can handle for now... or forever. Whatever I need, He knows it. He's promised that "those who seek the Lord lack no good thing" {Psalm 34:10}. If it was good for me to be pregnant right now, I would be. He knows what I need.

3. His timing is perfect. If I really believe that God is the Sovereign Lord of the Universe, who does all things well and ordains everything exactly how He pleases, than I can rest in the fact that He will grow our family {if that is indeed His choice} in His timing. He is all-wise, and all-powerful, and all-good. I can really and truly trust His perfect timing. This brings so much peace.

4. Every blessing has its opportunity costs. This is a more trivial thought to be sure, because I would gladly deal with the exhaustion and illness and complications that can come with another pregnancy. Obviously the blessing gained is worth it.

Nevertheless, when the pregnancy test comes back negative I can choose to rejoice in better sleep, no nausea, and no high risk restrictions. It means that I have another month to exercise a bit more, get more zzz's, and get my house into better shape while I still have the energy. All little blessings to enjoy and cherish, because they won't be mine forever.

Fertility is such a tricky thing. Our culture would have us think that we are entirely in control of it... but the reality is that babies don't come on demand, and the creation of eternal souls really has so little to do with us. So we pray, and keep open hands, and anchor our souls in the Lord's goodness to His people in all things. Amen.

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1

Just a little note: So many of your comments have been humbling to me. While this was the longest chunk of my married life that we were trying and waiting to get pregnant, I cannot claim to have struggled with long term infertility, and I do already have two children. I feel inadequate to do much more than pray for those of your hurting who have shared here. Can I just point you over to my friend Natasha's blog? Her long term struggle with infertility and faithful clinging to Christ humble and speak truth to me more than I can say. Hope you can find further encouragement there. She has far more to offer on this sensitive topic. Thanks. 

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