Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Failures and Frustrations


Isn't it funny how the night you decide you are going to get up early and get onto the treadmill, your daughter decides to stay awake until 4 am (close to the time you had planned on getting up) with fussing and grunting and squirming, demanding you to forfeit your necessary night's rest? Yes, this is what happened to me last night, how did you guess? My personal example aside, you get the picture- whenever we make plans, obstacles just seem to jump out and throw us for a loop.

And this isn't me being a wimp. I have no doubt in my mind that after staying up with S all night, the right thing to do at 4 am when she finally fell asleep was to crawl into my bed. But how frustrating it is to have circumstances outside of my control keeping me from my goals!

Then there are the obstacles I can control, but haven't been. I love wasting time on the internet and other forms of entertainment. Lately I have been indulging myself from the first baby feeding of the day right on to the last. My little iPod makes it so convenient to browse the web, collect swagbucks, watch videos and facebook stalk people I haven't spoken with in years.

My recent lack of productivity has me feeling sluggish and depressed. For our Sunday School class at church we have been reading Dr. Wayne and Joshua Mack's book God's Solutions to Life's Problems. It is an excellent work, by the way, and well worth your time. In chapter 6, the Mack's address the crux of my issue. "My Father works. Because we are made in the image of God, we will find contentment and satisfaction only as we have a productive life.The greatest satisfaction comes out of having a life that is productive in honoring and glorifying God." Huh. No wonder frittering my days away on the iPod hasn't been very fulfilling or satisfying.

Okay, here is where I'm at. In this stage of life (let's call it newborn stage), I am required to spend a lot of time on the couch feeding S and pumping more food for her. This is not a waste of time, it is fulfilling the job that the Lord has called me to, and I can glorify Him by being faithful in it. It also means though that sometimes her schedule will prevent me from carrying out my own designs on how I believe I can be most productive (E.g- treadmill). That is life, and I can choose to joyfully accept that and work around it, or I can throw my hands up in the air and give up on all goal-making.

But on that couch I do have control over some things. Am I going to aimlessly play on the iPod, or spend time say, reading some good books? Will I place the priority on scripture reading, memory and prayer first thing in the morning, or will I succumb to what is easiest? This is my greatest battle: the battle between living to gratify my flesh and living to glorify God.

Pray for me if you think of it. I am losing the battle lately.

Tomorrow: Observations From the Trenches of Failure. I am writing it here so that I actually follow through!!!

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