Thursday, April 19, 2012

Just When I'd Almost Forgotten...

I'd almost forgotten that my daughter is different. That she came into the world in a crazy way, had a very rough start, that we didn't know how things would turn out or what to expect.... Almost.

Then yesterday, S had her nine month check up. "Hooray! Nine months!" I thought. "It's been so nice, maybe the doctor will even give us permission to take her out...."


No. My daughter is different. Her first Sunday at church will be in June, at eleven months old, when RSV is dead and gone for the year.

At nine months she weighs less than 14 pounds, and the doctor is concerned she's not catching up as quickly as she should. So we're due back in two weeks for yet another weight check.

Just when I thought we were done with those (we hadn't seen the doctor in three months). Just when I thought things were normal, and that my baby was perfect. 

She is- she is beautiful, and funny, sweet tempered and our delight. She just figured out how to pulls her toes into her mouth the other day, and she chuckles hysterically when we pretend to eat her tummy.

But when I hear that we're stuck at home for another two months, and that she isn't progressing as well as they want her to... I just feel like I've been punched in the gut. The joy deflates, I feel like a failure. I just want things to be perfect for her.

This morning I had to get back on my knees and confess. Ask the Lord's forgiveness for my ungrateful, distrusting spirit. For forgetting all of the things that could have gone wrong but didn't. For wanting things perfect and easy and normal, instead of His higher, better way.

"As for God, His ways are perfect, His understanding past searching out..."

"'For my ways are not your ways,' declares the LORD.'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours...'"

Yes, I have so much to be thankful for. Yes, God has been good to me. Yet sometimes it is a struggle to not be discouraged by life's fallen, imperfections.

I just wanted you to know that if you feel the same way too, you are not alone...

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5b

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits..." Psalm 103:2

"Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart." Psalm 73:1


16 comments:

  1. Don't be discouraged about how your daughter is doing! I faced those issues myself with my first child. He was born at 3 lbs 2 oz and 6 weeks early. He was so small! I remember being in survival mode the first year because he was born in August and came home from the hospital in Sept. (right at the beginning of RSV season). I was SO fearful of RSV. I thank Jesus that he didn't get it. But, I felt like it controlled my every move. I would encourage you not to worry. God is in control. You can only do your best and trust God with the rest. My son was 14 lbs at 7 months. I understand your fears about your daughter's weight. I had them, too. But, just to encourage you, now my son is 10 years old and you would NEVER know he was a preemie! I will be praying for you and your daughter today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement, Kathy. Knowing where you're coming from makes it all the more relevant! Amen to trusting God! I am so glad your son is doing so well, and hope that we can say the same for S in ten years. Thank you for your prayers.

      Delete
  2. Your daughter is doing beautifully! It took my daughter well over a year to gain 12 pounds (and she was born full term), so I would say with the incredible journey she has already been on, she IS perfect!

    You are truly an inspiration to many mothers! I have been checked a couple times for pre-term labor this time around (I am currently at 32 weeks) and have read S's birth story over and over again to remind me that God works in wonderful and mysterious ways. It will be so worth it when you can finally take her to church with you in June.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your encouragement Amanda! I truly appreciate it. I am so glad S's story has been helpful to you, God truly does work His wonders in mysterious ways. Glad you have made it 32 weeks already! That is huge progress in the world of prematurity :). Praying you can make it all the way! :)

      Delete
  3. Your daughter is beautiful. I agree with Amanda. You are an inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Ashley, it is ALL of God's grace.

      Delete
  4. She is absolutely beautiful!!! Praying sustaining grace for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your prayers Amy! I appreciate them!

      Delete
  5. God is always at work. I know the worry you speak of.

    Praying for His peace for you and His strength for your daughter.

    Jess
    http://www.lifeinthewhitehouse.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your prayers Jess! I have been so encouraged by the progress of your own miracle triplets :).

      Delete
  6. I just had to check up on you today. I love you...I'm writing with teary eyes...I just want to hold you, my baby, I know it's been hard...
    HUGS & KISSES your Mommy.
    P.S.
    I'd forgotten too, til now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh mom, thank you :). I love you! Don't worry about me...

      Delete
  7. Rachel- first off, you're my hero. You've done a fantastic job with S- you and Niall are amazing parents, and she is a wonderful little girl.
    Second, thank you so much for your blog, this post, and your friendship. I am constantly humbled by your gracious attitude and your constant seeking of the Lord. When you told me this story today, I found myself up in arms at the doctor. What? S IS perfect, I thought! Just look at her, she's healthy and beautiful! Who cares if her weight is a little low?!? (And I still think all of that is true!) But it is your humility and earnest communication with God that drives me to prayer for development of my own character. Thank you for that reminder.
    Love you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Abi, YOU humble me... I praise God for your friendship and the grace He's bestowed on me through you! Thank you for your constant encouragement and support.

      Delete
  8. She's beautiful, just like her mommy. :) I hope the time flies a little faster the next two months.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your encouragement friend!!! So blessed to have you in my life :).

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...