Friday, June 15, 2012

Reflections and Resolutions

Yesterday my daughter napped for TWO CONSECUTIVE HOURS (which has never happened before...can you tell I'm excited???), so I sat down and had a quiet time of reflection.

First, I read Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions, slowly, savoring them.


Then I took out a pen and paper *gulp* and started making lists (I love lists, don't you?).

List number one was besetting sins I see in my life. I came up with 17... what is scary to me is the ones that I didn't think of. The Lord only knows how sinful we really are ( though my husband might be a good one to ask. I'm sure he could think of a few I've missed).

The second list was "Culprits in Feeding My Flesh"- e.g; manifestations of my besetting sins, or things that help to sustain them. For example, one of my besetting sins is time wasting. One big way I waste time is browsing the internet without intention or purpose (can we say Facebook Newsfeed especially?!?!). This went on my "Culprits" list.

Finally, I flipped the paper over and wrote out some resolutions. Here are a few of them:
  • To not stare at screens all day. To look people (especially Niall and S) in the face while in their presence. 
  • To NEVER AGAIN read my Facebook Newsfeed (drastic? perhaps, but I have a drastic issue here).
  • To only go online with a detailed plan, check list, and time limit.
  • To identify when I'm in the mood for wasting time or needlessly vegetating, and to instantly choose something worthwhile to do and take a purposeful course of action.
  • To take rest and relaxation when needed intentionally, with a time limit and plan.
Most of these resolutions have to do with my time wasting, internet and entertainment addictions, and laziness.

While specific resolutions like this can be good for identifying particular areas of struggle, when comparing my resolutions to the great Jonathan Edwards, I noticed some glaring differences.

His resolutions centered on a desire to glorify God, and dealt directly with his heart and mind, his inner man as well as the outer. 

All of his resolutions are good, things that any committed and true Christian ought to be willing to adopt. They focus on obeying God, loving God and others, doing ones duty, and not wasting even a moment of time.

As I read them, I realized that my own heart was hesitant to adopt such radical life guidelines. Why is that?

Maybe its that I realize how hard they are and how sinful I am, how impossible it is to accomplish them on my own (a realization Edwards himself was fully aware of, at the top of his resolutions is a humble acknowledgement of his own inability, and a pleading request that the Lord enable him to fulfill them only as they would honor Him).

Maybe I am intimidated. Maybe I am lazy. Maybe I just want to be a good wife and mom because it makes my life happier and easier, or pleases others around me. I think that all of these things factor into it.

What it really comes down to, however, ultimately is this: , I don't really love God as I ought to, and I would much rather do things my own way than live a life of bond slave obedience.

There. I said it. I love myself more than I love God. This is the heart of idolatry. This is my heart.

Father, forgive me. 

In an effort to mortify my flesh (which again, can only be accomplished by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit), I am going to do the very thing which I'd rather not.

I'm going to be reading Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions once a week, and picking them apart, one resolution and one week at a time.

Do I think that Edwards' words are of ultimate significance and importance? Only so far as the infallible and unfailing Word of God is communicated therein. Obviously, Scripture is of far exceeding value, and the ultimate literature to be studied for the rest of my life. I get that.

But there is very much gospel grace living in his words. This man was a biblical, godly man, who really nailed a lot of big Christian life issues in the head.

Starting Monday, I will be beginning with Resolution #1, and sharing my observations and thoughts here on the blog.

Join me? It will be 70 hard weeks (Lord willing!) of mortifying our flesh and striving to live lives of sacrificial obedience to God.

It won't be easy. But by God's grace I hope that it will be beneficial, even life changing- for His glory.

*P.S- I have also come to a Pumping Resolution (for now at least). I'm going to start slowly weaning, and see how it goes. So far I've cut down to five pumps a day, and already I'm noticing a dip in supply, which is emotionally difficult in ways I did not expect. If I can deal with my emotional self :), I hope to cut one daily pump out per week, which should stretch my weaning out to S's first birthday.*

Linked With: Finer Things Friday and Weekend Whatever.

4 comments:

  1. I think these are wonderful resolutions! I agree- sometimes the facebook newsfeed cannot be good for us.

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    1. P.s.- Im starting this with you!!!! Wish me luck!

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    2. Thank you Ashley! My problem with the Newsfeed (beyond that it just wastes time) is that people's status make me so emotional (lol)! My husband will listen to me getting upset and just be like, "WHY are you reading it?" :) So I haven't since Thursday and so far don't even miss it!

      I'm glad you're along for the Resolutions :). Hope that it is helpful!!!

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  2. I must say, very impressive. I can't even imagine how long my list is, but wasting time is definitely on there. Glad you came up with a resolution to pumping.

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