He is Good, No Matter What

This post was written over three years ago and somehow got buried in a "drafts" folder. I just stumbled upon it, it resonated with me, and so here it is. S is now four years old, with a few eye problems that she might have had even if she wasn't born so prematurely. Thankful for His goodness, and want to continue to be so even when things don't go so smoothly...

When S came at 27 weeks, weighing 1 lb. 15 oz, oh how we prayed. Hundreds of Christians around the world got on their knees and brought our baby before the Lord. We prayed for her healthy growth, for weight gain, for no added complications.

He answered them. Mercifully, S got off light. At two days old she was off the ventilator and on the nasal cannula. She never contracted NEC, didn't show even the slight beginning stages of ROP, was free of bleeding on the brain. Her PDA closed on its own, and in fact she never required surgery for anything. If you're not a preemie parent, that was a lot of gobbeldy-gook that basically means she had the simplest and most straightforward outcome we could hope for.

The worst she walked away with was a Chronic Lung diagnosis and an at home oxygen tank, which she came off of at 4 months old. Doctor's appointment after doctor's appointment gave only positive feedback. The neurologist who saw her at 6 months told me how lucky we were, that for being born 13 and a half weeks early, she is perfect. And I told him the glory goes to God.

People told me they were praying. I shared how S was improving, and they exclaimed, "God is so good!" And He is. He definitely is. I am so very thankful for my daughter's health and well-being.

But it is vitally important to me that God be called good whether S ended up healthy or not. If He chose to take her life, would we still praise Him as good? If she had suffered major complications that had affected her the rest of her life, would we still call Him good?

This was my number one concern. Because God is good whether my life circumstances are or not. God is good when we are healthy, and just as good when we are sick. God is good when the sun is shining, and just as good when it is dark and stormy.

His ways are higher than ours, and when things look a mess down here, from His view it is all working together for a far greater weight of glory.

Are you praising the all-good God today? Will you praise Him as good no matter what trial He places before you?

Overcoming Fear in Pregnancy {Introduction}

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage.

My second pregnancy abruptly ended at 27 weeks, with an extremely premature birth and a two month hospital stay for our daughter.

I've heard of full term babies dying due to undiscovered infections, cords wrapped around the neck, and gestational diabetes going undetected.

If anything is certain in life, it's that life is uncertain. Knowing the uncertainties- knowing that hearing a heart beat, seeing a healthy ultrasound, or making it to 40 weeks; that these things don't guarantee a healthy babe in arms- can be nightmarish to an expectant mother's peace of mind.

I am 24 weeks now with my third baby. 24 weeks with S was the week that my mucus plug fell out, I was hospitalized, the contractions kept coming, and we came very close to losing our little girl. To say that my nerves have "struggled" this week would be an understatement.

I could chose to rest on probabilities: an infection in my placenta is probably what caused my preterm labor with S, and the likelihood of such an infection occurring again is very rare.

I could chose to rest on medicine: I've been receiving progesterone shots for weeks that are supposed to help prevent preterm labor.

I could chose to stick my head in the sand: to ignore fears, shove them away, entertain myself to distraction and pretend that nothing hard or bad ever happens.

However, none of these options are good enough. Probabilities are meaningless when all of a sudden you become the one in a million. Medicine, while useful in its proper place, can't offer me any solid guarantees. Ignoring reality is also futile- unpleasant things happen in a sin cursed world, and to close my eyes to this will only set me up for future heart break.

Trading fears for faith is a battle. This week its been a moment-to-moment, hour-by-hour kind of warfare for my mind. While I don't have all the answers, and while I am still struggling to apply known truths to my heart, the Lord has mercifully reassured me in the goodness of His grace... no matter what the outcome of this pregnancy. Over the next few weeks I'd like to share the truths that have encouraged my soul in clinging to Christ.

Join me as I seek to overcome fear in pregnancy?

Other Posts in this Series:
A Call To Open Hands 
Knowing His Character
When Fears Are Realized

Linked with: Growing Home, Encourage One Another, and Raising Homemakers. 

Preemie Prints {Counting Tiny Blessings}

One of the blessings of the internet is that it connects you to wonderful people you'd otherwise never have known.

One such person for me has been Amber Collier, founder of the non-profit organization Preemie Prints.

Preemie Prints offers support and encouragement for NICU families, as well as families who lose infants to prematurity or other complications. They send care packages, make sweet crafts, offer support group meetings, and (one of the coolest things of all!) provide a free professional photo session for babies who are either in the NICU, or are NICU graduates (up to the first year).

Preemie Prints also provides an information blog for NICU parents. I cannot tell you how much I wish I'd been aware of this resource during our NICU experience! Knowing that there are other parents out there experiencing the same things, and having a community of them to share with, is an incalculable blessing.

The Preemie Prints facebook page also provides tons of great and current information on prematurity, treatment options, breastfeeding, etc. Please pass their information along to any friend you may have who could use it!

I am honored to be included as a guest blogger for this wonderful organization. If you head on over there now, you can read my latest post about the blessings of being a parent to a miracle baby.

"There is no doubt in my mind that as parents of preemies, we would have loved to have a full term baby. No NICU, no roller coaster ride of fears and anguish…

It would be fun to grow a giant belly, have a baby the “normal” way, and take them home two days later. 

Yet for whatever reason, God in His infinite wisdom ordained otherwise for us. I am so thankful that He has a purpose in everything He does! 

While the NICU route is far from easy, here are some of the blessings I’ve enjoyed along the way..."


Click on over here to read the rest!

One Year's Transformation

One Week Old

Two Weeks Old

Three Weeks Old

Four Weeks Old

Five Weeks Old

Six Weeks Old

Seven Weeks Old

Eight Weeks Old

Nine Weeks Old (At Home!)

Ten Weeks Old

Eleven Weeks Old

Twelve Weeks (One Week Adjusted)

Four Months

Five Months

Six Months

Seven Months

Eight Months

Nine Months

Ten Months

Eleven Months

Twelve Months

It's been one heck of a year, kid. Happy Birthday, S!!! Oh how we thank the Lord for this crazy, wonderful, exhausting, stressful and amazing year!

For a reference point, the doll is 9" long, and in the 12 months picture, S is wearing a size 6-9 mos. dress. (To read her wild birth story, click here.)

For Women Whose Motherhood Journey has Been Hard

Photo Credit

As follow-up to last week's post, I just wanted to tie up a few loose ends that have been rolling around in my head.

I challenged mom's who've had it easy to stop complaining. To remember that conception, pregnancy and delivery isn't uncomplicated for everyone, and to be sensitive to women around them who might be hurting.

But there is something important for the hurting woman to remember.

If I hadn't lost my first child to miscarriage, I too would have assumed that every mom experiences the joy of hearing a beating heart in the first trimester.

Even though I did lose my first baby to miscarriage, I still complained about my exhaustion and nausea in the first trimester with my second. Because even though I didn't take my child's life for granted, feeling so yucky was very trying in those moments.

If I hadn't gone into preterm labor with S, I would have complained at 40 weeks about my heartburn, and sleepless nights, and constant discomfort.

If I hadn't known the agony of two months in the NICU, I would have continued to assume that babies are always healthy and colic is the worst ever thing that could happen to a new mom.

If I hadn't had an emergency C-section, I would have continued to look down my nose at the women who didn't do it the "natural" (and thus, obviously better) way. Oh, my horrid pride. I would have whined about my 40 hours of labor, the pain of recovery, and the ensuing sleepless nights.

Even when you are hurting, it is important to remember that we are all sinners. As sinners, complaining and pride come easily to us.

If you're road had not been so painful and hard, you (in all likelihood) would have complained about the same things that grate on you coming from a mom whose road was easier.

The next time you hear her unburdening her "load" of a relatively normal pregnancy and birth, stop gritting your teeth, and take a deep breath.

Remember that if you were in her shoes, you might be saying the same insensitive things to some hurting woman, unaware of the pain you were causing.

Remember to be merciful. Ask the Lord for His grace, and that you might be able to show it to others.

What she is experiencing is difficult, and in moments of personal difficulty, we tend to forget that others have difficulties of their own.

I guess my purpose in writing these posts has been to encourage a bit more love and understanding on both sides. This is my call to mutual sympathy and sensitivity. To rejoice with those who rejoice, and to weep with those who weep.

The Road to Motherhood (Isn't Always Easy)

Photo Credit

We take so much for granted in this life.

"I am in control of my fertility."

"I will be having     children."

"I plan on having a natural birth... or an epidural... or whatever other birth plan I've devised."

"Of course I'll have a healthy pregnancy- my mother was healthy as a horse and had 5 babies, no problem!"

We forget about the Curse. The pain involved in childbirth. The reality that life is a vapor, often quenched too soon. That God alone is the Giver of Life, who opens and closes wombs without consulting any of us.

Sometimes the trouble is in the beginning. You start to try for a baby, but it never comes. Months turn into years, years into a decade... no pregnancy. You watch your friends who are fruitful and multiplying, attend their showers, babysit for their precious broods.... all the while wondering if your turn will ever come.

Hundreds of parents wait for a year, even two, for the completion of their adoption process and the arrival of their long anticipated child. Vast amounts of money spent, hours of anxiety and hope and excitement as they are forced to simply wait.

Then there are the fertile Myrtles, who can't seem to stop getting pregnant. But even overcoming this first obstacle on the road to motherhood is no guarantee (I speak as a woman who's gotten pregnant "on accident" twice).

Early (and late) miscarriages rob the womb of life. One in every three pregnancies ends this way. The anticipated due date arrives, and you find yourself crying in the bathroom when everyone else has forgotten your loss. You wonder what they would have looked like, what today would have been like if things had gone differently...

Sometimes the second trimester is achieved, and you think you are safe- you've heard the heart beat, know the gender, you're decorating a nursery as your belly starts to swell. Then pre-term labor (the rising Western epidemic) drops like a bomb shell, interrupting all your well laid plans.

You might come home empty armed after all. Or home with a baby, but after months in a hospital- with a little one who will bear the scars of prematurity for the rest of their life.

Even more tragic is the baby lost full-term, due to a cord cutting off air or labor complications. Oh, how the heart of the healing mother must ache as she lays in the mom-and-baby ward with no baby, hearing the cries of infants down the hall...

Or the child lost at six months. Or one year. Or five, or ten, or twenty... Death is the sinister reality of a world gone wrong.

Our hope is in Christ and in the goodness of God. The future world to come, in which He wipes every tear away from our eyes.

And yet the road right now is hard.

If your road to motherhood was easy, don't feel guilty. Thank God! Rejoice in His kindness, and delight in your precious babies.

Just please don't forget that it doesn't work that way for all of us. We don't resent you (though at times, we struggle with envy), but it is painful to listen to complaints of the woes of morning sickness, or the trials of your third trimester, or the agonies of your uncomplicated delivery. The annoyance you feel towards your house-full of children, the piles of diapers, your lack of "me" time.

May God give us grace to complain a little less, and to rejoice in Him a whole lot more. To never forget that life is always a miracle, and always precious. To be sensitive to the women around us who long for what we just take for granted.

May we seek to ease and encourage and love the women whose road is harder then ours. To offer compassion, to show sensitivity, to weep with those who weep.

Photo Credit

 Linked with: Raising Homemakers, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, and Women Living Well.

A Monumental Day

Pre-Wedding Festivities

On June 25th four years ago, I was only three days away from getting married. My parents were in town, and we were hustling and bustling with wedding stress and joy. 

On June 25th three years ago, our first baby was due. We had found out the following December that they wouldn't be coming after all. It was a day of mourning and remembering our first major loss as a couple.

On June 25th two years ago, I cried in the car for the baby I never got to meet, who would have been almost one. My Niall gently reminded me that June is also a month of joy, and that I didn't need to cry every year on June 25th out of some bizarre mother guilt. I wondered if and when we would ever be parents.

Goofy Anniversary Fun

On June 25th one year ago, it was a typical Saturday morning. I exercised and cleaned and grocery shopped, looking forward to celebrating our anniversary later that evening with Niall. Instead I ended up checking into our hospital's labor and delivery ward when my mucus plug fell out at only 24 weeks.

We almost delivered S that night, we stared the possibility of losing baby #2 right in the face. The Lord chose life over death this time, and we are thankful, oh so very thankful, for the precious gift of S.

Hanging out on Bed Rest

Today I am thankful and rejoicing (despite the rain and thunderstorms) as I remember the June 25th's of years gone by.

I am thankful for (almost!) four years of joyful marriage, and love that gets sweeter and deeper as time unfolds.

I am thankful for the hard and painful times He has brought us through as a couple. I'm thankful that they didn't break us, but only drew us closer to each other and Him.

I am thankful that I am not in the hospital, suffocated by dry air, riddled with needle holes and hooked up to multitudes of monitors and I.V. drips. That I am free to enjoy summer this year- with walks in the sunshine, glasses of homemade iced tea, and flip flop tan lines on my feet.

I'm thankful that S is here to enjoy it with me- healthy, happy, a bundle of blessing and joy. Her NICU days a distant and blurry memory.

At Church (One of S's First Sundays!) with Niall's Folks

June 25th hasn't been an easy day in years past. But today it is sweet, and I am counting a multitude of blessings bestowed on us by the Giver of all good things.

Don't. Know. If. I. Can. Go. On. Any. Longer...

This simple picture could pass as a description of my life for the last 11 months. While it made me laugh, it also made me want to cry.

One year ago, I didn't even know there was such a thing as an "exclusive pumper." Nor did I know about the world of the NICU and premature babies.

My plan was to breastfeed. My mom breastfed me. Breastmilk is good for mamas and babies, and much cheaper than formula. So it seemed like a good plan.

Then S came 3 months early. Breastmilk, while good for full-term babies,can be crucial for micro-preemies. S was fed via a tube for the first month and a half of her life, so if she was going to get breastmilk, I was going to have to pump.

When it came time to try her first feeding by mouth, I was given an option: try breastfeeding exclusively or go with a bottle. Bottle feeding was the fast track out of the NICU. S had been in the hospital for ages, and I just wanted my baby to come home. Can anyone blame me for choosing the bottle?

After S came home I tried to switch her to breastfeeding. By this point I had been pumping exclusively for over two months, which had done a number on me and made my attempts at breastfeeding more than a little painful. We always had to use a nipple shield. S would fall asleep nursing, and I would still have to feed her a bottle and pump, so my experiments with nursing were taking three times as long as just pumping.

A few weeks into trying, I gave up. It was hard, it hurt, it was time consuming... and we were making zero progress. Breastfeeding was my first choice. Exclusive pumping became my fall back plan.

By December my stock-piled frozen breastmilk had run out, and we started supplementing with formula. I was still pumping 7-8 times a day, and not making enough milk to keep up with my daughter's demands.

The bigger S has gotten, the more challenging pumping has become. If you've spent anytime around me in person, you've heard me say more than once that

"I just don't even know what I'll do with all the extra time I have once I stop pumping."

"I don't know how much longer I can do this!"

"Sorry, I can't stay out any longer- I've got to get home and pump!"

"I feel chained to my pump."

"I can't imagine life without pumping."

To conserve time spent on the couch, I bottle feed S while pumping. Today she is over 16 pounds, extremely squirmy and strong and active... I'm sure you can imagine the rest. 

Every single pumping session (6 times a day, mind you), I'm dealing with a baby who doesn't like to be scrunched on my lap, kicking pump pieces, pulling out tubes, spilling milk down my chest, throwing off the alignment of my flanges, and contorting body parts into directions that they were not meant to go.

It is bothersome, to say in the least. And oftentimes very painful. And the bottom line? Both S and I are constantly feeling frustrated.

Yesterday I hit my breaking point. I'm just not sure how much longer I can do this! My goal was to make it one year.... I am only one month away, and yet I doubt that I will be able to make it to my goal with my sanity still intact.

What to do??? All kinds of mother guilt is hitting me. I want S to have the best, I'm home for her (not housework), and I save all kinds of money for our family by pumping.

I don't want to be rash in my decision either. For now I'm thinking of slowly cutting back, maybe just pumping 5xs a day? This is a hard call and I'm torn.

And that's where I'm at today friends- debating, doubting, stuck in a rut... It's the honest truth. Welcome to a day in my life.

Have you ever felt burnt out as a mom? What would you do in my situation? And how do you go about making important parenting decisions?

Soon These Things Won't Matter

If I could go back in time to visit me as a new mom in the NICU, there is something very important I would want to tell me.

Soon, it won't matter. 

Soon, you will forget. 

I was so concerned about S going home on oxygen. 

It was much easier to manage at home than I'd expected. At four months she was off of it. Now, at ten months, I don't even think about it. It wasn't nearly as big of a deal as I thought it was.

I was so concerned about how long I should kangaroo care with her every day, and the overall impact it would have on her outcome.

We did a lot of kangarooing. And it did benefit her, I am certain. Today she is healthy and happy and loves her mama, even though I didn't spend 3+ hours daily snuggled up that way. There were days I missed, times we had to cut kangaroo time short because of low O2 saturation... but in the grand scheme of things, those days of anxiety amounted to nothing.

I was so concerned about possible devastating side effects from steroids S was given for her lungs, the long-term effects of O2 use, NEC, ROP, and a thousand other potential complications. 


None of these things happened. I know that they could have, and for some of you, they did happen. Even so, God is good, and He gives grace for the hard things as they come. I accomplished nothing by worrying.

8 months out of the NICU, and that part of our life is buried deep in the distant past. I can still hardly believe it happened at all.

So take heart if you find yourself feeling anxious and care worn in the middle of it. Soon, this too shall pass. It will feel far away, and the good days will come.

 "...Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5b

Linked With: Weekend Whatever

For Such a Time as This: Seeing the NICU as a Ministry Opportunity

One of my greatest regrets from our NICU days was my lack of boldness- people wondered why I was joyful, how I could smile when my baby was hospitalized... sometimes I gave the glory to God. But many times I did not.

Some very special NICU nurses on S' going home day!

If I could go back, I would speak up more. Instead of just saying the miracles were the result of prayer, or that we trusted God, I would share the GOSPEL. Explain that no matter what happened to S, Niall and I could have joy because of what Christ has accomplished on our behalf.

We've put our trust in His sacrifice for sins, we know God, and we've been given abundant riches and an eternity in Heaven by Christ Jesus. And anyone who acknowledges that they are a sinner, repents of their sin (not just feeling sorry, but turning around), placing their faith in Christ for the forgiveness of their sins, can know Him too.

It isn't enough to talk vaguely of God, faith and prayer- in this anything-goes age of tolerance, which God am I referring too? A big grandfather in the sky who laughs and overlooks our sins? A man whom I impress with the good things I do?

No. The God of the Bible is Holy. He cannot tolerate the slightest sin (whether it be a little "white" lie, laziness, gossip, etc.), and He has said in His Word that NO ONE is good (Romans 3:10-12). Our only hope of making it to Heaven is if God Himself intervenes. And He did; He sent His perfect Son to live a life free of sin, then to die on our behalf, paying the penalty for our sins, and rise again. Anyone who puts their faith in Christ can have Heaven for free, it is a gift (Ephesians 2:8-9).

If I could go back, I would seek to encourage other parents struggling through the NICU roller coaster with these truths. Not just nodding and saying I understand their grief, but pointing them to the God who is good even and especially in the grief.

I can't go back. But if the Lord has placed you in the NICU for this season of your life, please consider: He has put you there for such a time as this. You are surrounded by doctors, nurses, and hurting parents who do not know Him, and need to. Be bold. Be gracious, but be bold.

Whatever season of life you find yourself in today, there are people who need the gospel... and how will they hear unless if we speak? This is probably one of the greatest struggles of my Christian walk! I fear man (which brings a snare), I am ashamed of the gospel.

Lord forgive me, and help me to be bolder. 

Who are you seeking to share the gospel with within your sphere of influence? Have you been changed by faith in the gospel of God's Son?

Just When I'd Almost Forgotten...

I'd almost forgotten that my daughter is different. That she came into the world in a crazy way, had a very rough start, that we didn't know how things would turn out or what to expect.... Almost.

Then yesterday, S had her nine month check up. "Hooray! Nine months!" I thought. "It's been so nice, maybe the doctor will even give us permission to take her out...."

No. My daughter is different. Her first Sunday at church will be in June, at eleven months old, when RSV is dead and gone for the year.

At nine months she weighs less than 14 pounds, and the doctor is concerned she's not catching up as quickly as she should. So we're due back in two weeks for yet another weight check.

Just when I thought we were done with those (we hadn't seen the doctor in three months). Just when I thought things were normal, and that my baby was perfect. 

She is- she is beautiful, and funny, sweet tempered and our delight. She just figured out how to pulls her toes into her mouth the other day, and she chuckles hysterically when we pretend to eat her tummy.

But when I hear that we're stuck at home for another two months, and that she isn't progressing as well as they want her to... I just feel like I've been punched in the gut. The joy deflates, I feel like a failure. I just want things to be perfect for her.

This morning I had to get back on my knees and confess. Ask the Lord's forgiveness for my ungrateful, distrusting spirit. For forgetting all of the things that could have gone wrong but didn't. For wanting things perfect and easy and normal, instead of His higher, better way.

"As for God, His ways are perfect, His understanding past searching out..."

"'For my ways are not your ways,' declares the LORD.'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours...'"

Yes, I have so much to be thankful for. Yes, God has been good to me. Yet sometimes it is a struggle to not be discouraged by life's fallen, imperfections.

I just wanted you to know that if you feel the same way too, you are not alone...

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5b

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits..." Psalm 103:2

"Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart." Psalm 73:1

That the Works of God Might be Displayed

Yesterday morning as I was completing my Bible Reading Plan for the day, I was struck by Luke 9:1-3.

"As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'
Jesus answered, 'It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

How quick we are to forget in the painful times that God has a purpose in all things. Even when a baby is born blind... or three months early... or with other significant setbacks.

God has a purpose in everything, and that purpose is that His works might be displayed and His name glorified. Pain is not always punishment, it is never an accident, and it is always for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

So I must ask, are you willing to joyfully suffer, that the works of God might be displayed in you? Then the harder question- are you willing to watch your children suffer, that the works of God might be displayed in them?

Oh, how we love our babies. We want the very best for them. I remember watching S in the incubator, when she was still so tiny, wondering and worrying what the permanent side effects of her prematurity might be.

As I considered the painful list of possibilities, my heart ached to take them for her. Oh, that they could be my pains to bear, and not hers! If I could take them on me, and she could walk away unscathed...

It doesn't work that way. Pain and brokenness will reach our children in this fallen, sin cursed world. Do we trust the One who afflicts them? Can we run to Him and rest in Him, trusting Him even when He decrees that they suffer?

Is our greatest desire for God to be glorified? Will we willingly lay down our cherished dreams of blissful, happy lives for our children, in order that His name be praised through their burdens and griefs?

If I am truly honest, this is painfully difficult for me. This is the key hurdle for the Christian parent; to love Christ more. To not treasure our children as idols, to count the cost of true discipleship. And I must confess that I fall short.

Oh Lord, give us this faith. The faith to leave our babies in your hands, to love You the most, and to exhibit joyful, peaceful trust in You even when you ordain that they suffer.

That the works of God might be displayed in them. 

Linked with Mommy Monday and The Better Mom.

What You Can Do: Caring for your Baby in the NICU

Your baby came too early. Now you are trying to recover, possibly in a drug-induced haze, agonizing over her condition, standing helpless by her bedside. One of the most difficult experiences in the life of a parent is too watch your child suffer, and not be able to do anything about it.

If this is where you're at today, I've been there too. Take heart friend- there are ways that you can help and care for your baby, long before he is able to snuggle in your arms. Here are a few ideas:

1. Be there. Even though you can't hold him, and may feel useless, your presence is of utmost importance. Your baby recognizes your voice from the womb, and hearing you with him will be reassuring in his new scary world. Your presence also communicates your level of concern with the staff, they will know that you care and will seek to better equip and inform you in your NICU journey. It will be vital to your comfort and peace of mind to know as many of your baby's caregivers as well as possible. Lastly, the best way to become as knowledgeable as you can is to be present, asking questions and observing the doctors and nurses.

2. Get on your knees. Run to the LORD for healing and comfort, seek the face of the God who formed your precious baby in your womb and still is holding her in His hands. He knows, He cares, He is at work here. You will have the unique privilege of watching your baby's development week by week, a process normally hidden from human eye. You will see His miracle of life at work in a way that many will never see. Seek Him for grace and strength, find grace in the everlasting arms. In Him you will find the power and grace that you need to walk through this difficult journey.

3. Get rest. While it is important to be there, it is equally urgent to get good rest. You cannot help your baby when you are battling exhaustion and a weakened body; these factors will only add stress and weigh you down. Go home, get some sleep, eat good food. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

4. Pump breastmilk. Breastfed preemies flourish on a much higher level then formula fed. When your baby has breastmilk, his chances of developing the dreaded NEC infection are much lower. Your milk will keep his G.I tract healthy, aid in quicker development, and provide him with much needed immunities. Seek out a lactation consultant for help here, if your hospital does not provide one, La Leche League can help you to find one in your area (or at least provide you with some much needed information!). If your milk doesn't come in as quickly as you're told it should, do not stress out! This was a high stress area for me in the first few days of S' life. The sooner you relax, the better off your supply will be. Just follow the advice of your lactation consultant, and try to find a back-up plan if possible. If you really are unable to pump, ask your NICU staff about donor milk. The head doctor of our NICU ordered several ounces from a milk bank just in case, which helped me to relax and did increase my supply.

5. Read up. One of the best things I did in those early days was to purchase a couple of books on prematurity. I found Dr. Sear's The Premature Baby Book and Dr. Jen Gunter's The Preemie Primer to be especially beneficial. As I learned the medical jargon, what it really means, and what we were potentially going to be dealing with, I felt empowered and better prepared to advocate for my daughter.

6. Touch. Depending on how early your baby came, and how stable their condition is, you might not be able to touch or hold them for a long time. Ask the nurses about how you can safely touch your baby. With S, we were told to place a hand on her head and one on her feet and legs (no rubbing or patting as this irritates their fragile skin!) to comfort her, because it made her feel snug and secure like she would have been in my belly. At five days old I was able to kangaroo with her, which was a very healing experience for both of us. If you're unable to kangaroo for weeks or even longer, read about it, tell the doctors that you want to do it as soon as your baby is physically ready, and prepare by bringing a button down shirt to the hospital. When S was several weeks old, one of the Neonatologists really encouraged me by praising her extreme alertness. She explained that this was due to all of the touch and special care S had received from me. Let me tell you, that was a happy day for me in the NICU!

7. Express your desire to be involved, ask what you can do! Most nurses will teach you how to change your baby's diaper, give them a bath, take their temperature. Tell them that you want to do everything that you are allowed to do. They should be very happy to assist you in this way!

Holding S for the first time, while a nurse changed her bedding. 4 days old.

Ultimately you are essential to your baby. You may worry that your baby doesn't know you, that they will know their nurses better than their mother; I did. These feelings can be devastating. Rest assured, your baby does know you the best and need you the most! The first time I kangarood with S, her oxygen saturation was excellent, and she cried when they pulled her off of me at the end. It was the first time I felt like her mom; she wanted to stay with me. It was a truly precious moment. At 7 months old one of our favorite NICU nurses came to visit S- S started bawling and looking for mommy the second I handed her to the nurse. You may not feel like the mom right now, but someday soon you will. Never question this!

Do what you can do. At the end of the day, refuse to beat yourself up for what you didn't or couldn't do. Cherish whatever time you are given with your baby. And be sure to thank God for His mercies which are new every morning!

There Will Be Good Times

Yes, even in the NICU...

Dressing S up in the world's tiniest tutu, made by a friend...

Celebrating the milestones.

Finally holding the child of your love close to your heart...

Very good times indeed.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die... a time to heal...a time to weep, and a time to laugh...a time to embrace... a time to love..." 

Ecclesiastes 3

Helping Your Friend With a Baby in the NICU

 When a close friend or family member is in the midst of a trial that you've never experienced personally, it can be difficult to know how to help them through. We fumble in the dark for the right words, and do our best to meet any needs we observe, but for the most part we are guessing. It can be helpful when someone who's been there before tells us what our friend might need physically or emotionally. In light of this fact, I thought I'd share ways you can encourage your friend who's baby is hospitalized.

1. Be there. This goes with most trials, sometimes your presence is the greatest comfort of all. I'll never forget how our dear friend Jen rushed to the hospital as soon as she heard I was going for an emergency C-section. She stayed in the waiting room for two hours, not knowing if she'd even see us or if she could be of use. Sure enough when Niall came out after I'd woken up and before we could visit the baby, Jen was there to keep him company while he ate some dinner. She then moved all of the stuff from my old room to my recovery room, freeing Niall to be with me and the baby. What a blessing!

2. Listen. Again, this is something a friend will appreciate in any trial. Don't tell your friend how lucky she is that her baby is okay; she knows it and is glad, but is still grieving the difficult arrival and missing out on a fun and normal full term pregnancy and delivery. Let her talk, and speak affirming words as it is appropriate. It will be good for her to hear that you think she is a good mommy (for pumping milk and spending hours at baby's bedside), because she might not feel like a real mom yet. Also, please don't ask if her baby is going to make it, or how soon before the baby is "out of the water." She probably doesn't really know, and it is a reality she'd rather not dwell on unless absolutely necessary. This can add to her stress and pain.

 3. Meet pressing needs. If you have the financial capability and desire to do so, gifts of money can be very helpful. Praise God, we had excellent health insurance and only had to pay a small deductible for S, but her hospital bills were well over $132,000! If someone is uninsured or has poor quality health insurance, they might have a real serious need for funds. Also, spending long days in the hospital makes cooking difficult, so meals can be a great blessing. This is another area that made me so grateful for the godly and generous friends the Lord has given us! Different friends brought meals for weeks, as well as giving gift cards and money specifically for quick dinners. Gas cards can be handy too if your friend lives far from the hospital.

4. Give fun or helpful gifts. Maybe a cute preemie outfit will encourage and excite your friend (any baby gift could bring a little joy at the expectation of bringing baby home). Books on prematurity can also be useful. When I was reading books about preemies, I felt like I was actually doing something to help her! Books I found to be particularly interesting or helpful include, The Premature Baby Book by Dr. Sears, The Preemie Primer by Dr. Jen Gunter (an OB and mom to preemie triplets), 124 NICU Days by Ryan Rhodes, and A Love that Multiplies by the Duggars.

Helpful Resources

5. Help her escape. Long hours in the hospital can be very draining after several weeks. As long as your friends baby is stable, grab her for a coffee date or a quick bite to eat. Before S came so early, my friend Amy and I had planned to go garage sailing some Saturday. These plans were thwarted by bed rest, but a few weeks after S's birth, she encouraged me to join her one sunny weekend. It was my first time anywhere but the hospital or home in about a month, so how good it felt to grab some coffee from Dunkin and get out with a good friend! She may feel guilty about leaving baby's bedside, but a few hours here and there are essential to mental health and regaining a sense of normalcy.

6. Pray, and ask everyone you know to pray. I am still encouraged when I meet someone for the first time and they recognize my name instantly. "Oh, we were praying for your little girl!" The prayers of the universal Church on our behalf were a HUGE blessing to Niall and I through our ordeal. Your friend will be encouraged by God's grace through His people. Let her know you are praying.

Those of you who've been here before, what would you add to the list?