There Will Be Good Times

Yes, even in the NICU...

Dressing S up in the world's tiniest tutu, made by a friend...

Celebrating the milestones.

Finally holding the child of your love close to your heart...

Very good times indeed.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die... a time to heal...a time to weep, and a time to laugh...a time to embrace... a time to love..." 

Ecclesiastes 3

Love Doesn't Keep Count

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It is nearly the end of February, the month in which culturally we celebrate romantic love. I've enjoyed writing about "close knit" marriages, but before we completely move on to other things, I wanted to write about one more thing. It is heavy on my mind because I struggle with it daily... Love doesn't keep count.

As kids, my dad was often frustrated with my siblings and I, justly so, for keeping count. "Why doesn't she have to do this chore too?" A whining voice. "I've been working longer and harder!" The ugly glare. "It is so unfair!" Continue the grumblings.

Why didn't I learn the lesson from him, so patiently taught, way back then? "In a family we don't keep count. Everyone has their share, and while it may seem they are doing less now, it is probably not true. We each have different responsibilities. Worry about yourself." All I can say is that I am selfish. Knowing that we all have selfish sin natures, I am confident that this isn't just me.

This is how keeping count might sound among "grown-ups." "I've already changed 5 diapers today. Do you think you can handle this one?!?" Tension rising. "This baby has been fussy all day, and I can't take it anymore! Your turn to be the parent!" Frustration erupting. "I work hard, long hours all day, and when I get home I think I deserve a little peace and quiet." Whining isn't a habit exclusive to children.

When we keep careful, calculated track on what our husband has or hasn't done, building a thick wall brick by brick of animosity, we are far from loving him. Usually our cases are skewed. While we may notice that we are the only one handling a cranky child, or the hundredth diaper of the day, we blindly block out the far more balanced reality.

The truth is my husband works incredibly hard each day. Every morning he rises early to seek the Lord's face, then he leads his family in devotions. He goes out into a dark and sin-wrecked work place, battling the world, the flesh and the devil with little to encourage him. He cares for all things car related, makes sure the gas tank is always full for me, and fixes things around the house. Finances are a constant burden on his already heavy load, as he is strongly committed to me staying home with our daughter, even though it's far from the easiest choice.

I'd like to suggest that if you're keeping accounts, your perspective might be a bit colored too. What if instead of keeping tallies of wrongs, we made tallies of rights? What if we sought to thank and praise our husband for all of the things he does do? What if we made a conscientious decision to stop taking out our personal frustrations on the man who means most to us?

Because that's what keeping count is in the end, isn't it? Our frustrations in life leading us to vent and carry out our anger on someone else, whomever may be closest. It isn't fair to your husband, and it certainly isn't honoring to the Lord.

May God give us grace to love like He loves us, with longsuffering tenderness and compassionate forgiveness.

 "Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (The Message)

Are You Hiding?

Last Monday morning I awoke to complete disarray. Dishes piled high, unfolded clean laundry towering in baskets around my washing machine and drier, the weekend's clutter strewn across tables and couches and floor. The picture was stifling, it made me feel claustrophobic.

I'd love to tell you that I stuffed the overwhelming discouragement deep down, put on my cape and conquered the mess like Superwoman... but that was not the case. After my husband headed out the door and the baby was fed, I took the baby and dove under the covers. Two hours later, I awoke to a headache and the same mess.

The rest of the day was spent trying very hard to get on top of things, but it was too little too late. At its end, I was still feeling miserable and overwhelmed. Shutting down under the pressure, I spent the rest of the evening snuggling with S and feeling lousy. On Tuesday I started early, worked hard all day, and finally managed to catch up.

Sometimes the mess is stifling. Sometimes as busy moms trying to keep every plate spinning, we send a few crashing to the floor. It is easy to cower and "hide" when that happens; in bed, a novel, in front of the t.v or computer screen... unfortunately hiding only makes us feel worse, and leaves us less time to actually confront the problem.

When you find yourself feeling this way, stop and take a deep breath. Take a few minutes to pray; seeking the Lord's comfort and strength, and the proper zeal and motivation to tackle your troubles.

And then get to work. At the end of the day, even when you might feel defeated by the mess that still surrounds you, ask God for "grace to live with the undone," as my mother would say.

The truth is, we aren't Superwoman. We will have days of defeat and discouragement. Yet all the Lord asks is that we do our best, loving Him and others, and working hard.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

Just keep swimming girls :).

Purposeful Perusals, 4th Edition

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Free Audio Books Online- This week I was thrilled to find Librivox, a site that has recorded hundreds of public domain works for free online listening. Perfect and productive background noise for your mindless chores. I've personally been enjoying Jane Austen's Mansfield Park, an old favorite, while ironing and cooking this week.

Queen of the Castle- How queenly is  your treatment of your king, er, I mean, husband? Join the Domestibabe as she cleverly shares pointers on creating a warm and welcoming fortress for the nobleman in your life ;).

A Tax Write Off- Are you a breastfeeding mama? Did you know that the cost of your breastfeeding supplies are tax-deductible? Head on over to the Birth Bug to read all about it!


Purposeful Easter Celebrations- Jessalyn Hutto of Desiring Virtue shares lovely pictures and simple explanations of the beautiful ways her family celebrates the Resurrection. I was encouraged to pursue Christ-exalting traditions in my own home as my daughter grows up and more children join the mix.

February Goal Update

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Checking in with 3in30 today to report how I've tracked with February's three goals.

Goal #1: Read six books. I am a bit behind. I've finished Damsel's in Distress, Real Marriage, and Organized Simplicity (click to read my reviews). The Office of Assertion is about half way done, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe is not begun (it is my treat for when I'm done with the others), and though I've been reading Knowing God, I have a feeling this is the one book I might not finish. The first half of the month I must confess was lazily spent browsing the internet instead of reading. I'm trying to discipline myself in this area, and hope to do much better next month!

Goal #2: Organize the office. If you haven't seen my before pics, please take a look! It might encourage you to know that you aren't as big of a slob :). Praise the Lord, it is finished! I'll post pics soon. The only trouble is all of the stuff we purged for an upcoming garage sale is now sitting in piles in my guest bedroom. I'm going to be devoting my 15 minutes a day for the rest of the month to pricing items and packing them neatly away in stacked boxes :).

Goal #3: Develop a morning routine. This goal has majorly flopped. I want to do so much in the morning; exercise, shower, read and memorize Scripture, blog... yet I'm finding myself still in pajamas at noon a lot of days. Is it impossible to have most of this done and be dressed by nine??? We shall see....

How are you doing on your goals this month?

Book Review: Damsels in Distress

I must confess, the title of this book almost made me not read it (personally I think it's a tad cheesy). Yet I know that Martha Peace is an excellent writer and source of Biblical wisdom, and I was given the book on the recommendation of a very reliable friend, so read it I did.

I was not disappointed. What I love about Martha Peace is that she doesn't write fluff. It is surprisingly difficult to find a book for Christian women without fluff! With Martha it is just straight up Biblical truth with helpful real life examples. Very refreshing!

Damsels in Distress draws from Martha Peace's years of Biblical counseling to address the issues women commonly face. She covers gossip, idolatrous emotional attachments, manipulation, hurt feelings, vanity, PMS, legalism, feminism, the role of women in the church, and trials. All of the information was drawn directly from Scripture and communicated clearly and concisely.

At about 180 pages, it is a thinner book and an easy read, but certainly one I will be referring back to as I deal with these struggles in my own life and come across them in the lives of women the Lord places in my path. I highly recommend it! If you enjoyed The Excellent Wife, please pick up Damsels in Distress. And if you haven't read The Excellent Wife, please make that your next read! It is a valuable volume for every Christian wife.

Book Review: Organized Simplicity

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I had been eye-balling Tsh Oxenreider's book Organized Simplicity: The Clutter Free Approach to Intentional Living for sometime, so when I found the Kindle version for free through Money Saving Mom, I jumped on it! Tsh's blog Simple Mom is an excellent resource, and everyone I know who had read the book found it very helpful. I only regret that I didn't have a physical copy, the lovely pictures must be much nicer in color :).

The first half of the book brings us back to the basics of simple living; what it is, why we want it, and the first baby steps we must take to get there. The second half is the more nitty-gritty, tackling your home in ten days how to guide.

I love Tsh's definition of simple living- living holistically with your life's purpose. When your spiritual, relational, emotional, intellectual, physical and financial lives are all working together in the framework of your life's purpose, peace and simplicity are the result. I'd thought about decluttering as a peacemaker before, but I'd never looked at it through the lense of making the things I own (and don't own) reflective of my life purpose.

Readers are encouraged to sit down with their spouse and together determine a family purpose statement. While Niall and I don't feel the need to write and frame such a statement (we know what we are about and are constantly trying to order our life around it, and communicating on this subject), it was helpful for me to think of my home in terms of what it is ultimately for in the larger scheme of things.

We want all things in our life to glorify God, and home needs to be a haven where we can pursue the spiritual disciplines of prayer, Scripture reading, and family devotions. We also want to use our home for God's glory through hospitality, so it needs to be comfortable, clean and inviting. I was encouraged, because I do believe our main space communicates this. No television, just big comfy couches, a cozy fire place, and open space.

Reading through Tsh's ten days of home organization was helpful, her deep cleaning suggestions are especially handy. With my daughter's demanding feeding schedule (every 2-3 hours), I can't exactly follow it in this season of life. But 15 minutes a day, one room a month is really working for me, so I will follow Tsh's suggestions on my own more flexible timetable.

The main gist is that you must ask yourself two questions about every item in your home: 1) Is it useful, and 2) Is it beautiful? I thought they were pretty good questions. The more I purge of my belongings by asking them, the more I inevitably decide to get rid of stuff that I'd previously wanted to hang on to. Cool! Less is definitely more.

Also cool was the recipes for homemade, non-toxic cleaners included in the appendix. I've definitely felt the need to clean only while my baby is sleeping, fearing the harm harsh chemicals could do to my baby's compromised lungs. Tsh points out that when you are using safe cleaners, little ones can be involved without harm. I love this!

Organized Simplicity was a very helpful read, and I think it could especially benefit people longing for a simpler life who feel overwhelmed and just need help to get started. This isn't just a decluttering guide, it is a rich and well constructed approach to creating a meaningful life. You will also be delighted by the lovely quotes at the start of each chapter. I know I was :). 

MYO Bread Machine Bagels

My bagels, a trifle ugly, but extremely delicious!

 I don't know about you, but bagels are one of my favorite things. The past few Saturday mornings have found me rushing to local bakeries to buy one for me, and one for my beloved. It occurred to me that perhaps it might be cheaper to make my own.

So I pulled out my favorite kitchen appliance and did a Google search. This was the recipe I found. As I read it, I became nervous over the complicated process. You boil bagels? Really? What if they turned out soggy and gross? I decided to save the recipe for a less busy day, since it seemed a bit involved of a process.

The intended day came, and I did it. And you know, it turns out making bagels is a lot of fun! It wasn't too difficult, and the boiling part was rather fast paced. They puff up and become giant in the water. Mine turned out a bit ugly, and as my husband wisely said, I have a ways to go in perfecting them. But they were really tasty (we both thought so!).

Every morning this week as we've had them for breakfast, I've thought they taste just like bakery bought bagels, and when spread with butter or cream cheese they look the same too. And I've had a little surge of delight that I made them all by myself :). Well, at least with the help of my handy bread machine.

Go ahead and give them a try! I will definitely be making another batch this weekend, before my inevitable bagel craving kicks in :). My husband loves onion and everything bagels (yuck!), so he hopes I can figure out a way to top the bagels in these varieties. Any ideas on how it can be done ladies?

Happy bagel making!

Helping Your Friend With a Baby in the NICU

 When a close friend or family member is in the midst of a trial that you've never experienced personally, it can be difficult to know how to help them through. We fumble in the dark for the right words, and do our best to meet any needs we observe, but for the most part we are guessing. It can be helpful when someone who's been there before tells us what our friend might need physically or emotionally. In light of this fact, I thought I'd share ways you can encourage your friend who's baby is hospitalized.

1. Be there. This goes with most trials, sometimes your presence is the greatest comfort of all. I'll never forget how our dear friend Jen rushed to the hospital as soon as she heard I was going for an emergency C-section. She stayed in the waiting room for two hours, not knowing if she'd even see us or if she could be of use. Sure enough when Niall came out after I'd woken up and before we could visit the baby, Jen was there to keep him company while he ate some dinner. She then moved all of the stuff from my old room to my recovery room, freeing Niall to be with me and the baby. What a blessing!

2. Listen. Again, this is something a friend will appreciate in any trial. Don't tell your friend how lucky she is that her baby is okay; she knows it and is glad, but is still grieving the difficult arrival and missing out on a fun and normal full term pregnancy and delivery. Let her talk, and speak affirming words as it is appropriate. It will be good for her to hear that you think she is a good mommy (for pumping milk and spending hours at baby's bedside), because she might not feel like a real mom yet. Also, please don't ask if her baby is going to make it, or how soon before the baby is "out of the water." She probably doesn't really know, and it is a reality she'd rather not dwell on unless absolutely necessary. This can add to her stress and pain.

 3. Meet pressing needs. If you have the financial capability and desire to do so, gifts of money can be very helpful. Praise God, we had excellent health insurance and only had to pay a small deductible for S, but her hospital bills were well over $132,000! If someone is uninsured or has poor quality health insurance, they might have a real serious need for funds. Also, spending long days in the hospital makes cooking difficult, so meals can be a great blessing. This is another area that made me so grateful for the godly and generous friends the Lord has given us! Different friends brought meals for weeks, as well as giving gift cards and money specifically for quick dinners. Gas cards can be handy too if your friend lives far from the hospital.

4. Give fun or helpful gifts. Maybe a cute preemie outfit will encourage and excite your friend (any baby gift could bring a little joy at the expectation of bringing baby home). Books on prematurity can also be useful. When I was reading books about preemies, I felt like I was actually doing something to help her! Books I found to be particularly interesting or helpful include, The Premature Baby Book by Dr. Sears, The Preemie Primer by Dr. Jen Gunter (an OB and mom to preemie triplets), 124 NICU Days by Ryan Rhodes, and A Love that Multiplies by the Duggars.

Helpful Resources

5. Help her escape. Long hours in the hospital can be very draining after several weeks. As long as your friends baby is stable, grab her for a coffee date or a quick bite to eat. Before S came so early, my friend Amy and I had planned to go garage sailing some Saturday. These plans were thwarted by bed rest, but a few weeks after S's birth, she encouraged me to join her one sunny weekend. It was my first time anywhere but the hospital or home in about a month, so how good it felt to grab some coffee from Dunkin and get out with a good friend! She may feel guilty about leaving baby's bedside, but a few hours here and there are essential to mental health and regaining a sense of normalcy.

6. Pray, and ask everyone you know to pray. I am still encouraged when I meet someone for the first time and they recognize my name instantly. "Oh, we were praying for your little girl!" The prayers of the universal Church on our behalf were a HUGE blessing to Niall and I through our ordeal. Your friend will be encouraged by God's grace through His people. Let her know you are praying.

Those of you who've been here before, what would you add to the list?

No Excuse for Boredom

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Before I was a mom, I remember sharing my longing to be a full-time homemaker with a young mom friend. "Just wait," she warned dramatically, "After the first month, you will be so bored! You can only clean so much." I didn't think I really would be (when you are an exhausted from working outside the home 40+ hours a week, and trying to cook and clean on the side you can think of many things you'd like to do but just don't have time for!), but what did I know? Maybe she was right.

Well, I've been on lockdown with my daughter since she came home in September, and I have yet to be bored. On the contrary, I've found that there is way more to do than can ever be done! I've come to the conclusion that boredom is an attitude. If it's an attitude you've adopted, I want to encourage you today to forsake it.

I understand that many of you ladies find yourself in the too much to do, too little time boat with me, especially if you have more than one child. But for those who are finding themselves bored and discouraged:

Forsake boredom for your family. If you are bored, try to find ways to better meet the needs of your family. Spend more time reading and playing with your sweet baby! Try cooking something new and fancy that your husband might enjoy. There is a wealth of recipes at your fingertips online! Instead of sinfully standing idly by, get up and ask the Lord for wisdom to know how you can better serve your family.

Forsake boredom for your home. Is your home truly in perfect order? Could it stand a bit more careful organization, a deep cleaning, or some loving touches of decoration? Have you made it into a haven of delight to shelter and comfort the ones you love most?

Forsake boredom for personal growth. If you are bored, it would be an excellent time to pick up a challenging book or a new craft or hobby that could bless others. Become an expert on nutrition, or childhood development, or starting a home business.

Forsake boredom for His Kingdom. Have you been spending adequate time studying the Word? In prayer? Memorizing Scripture? Is there a younger woman in your church you could have over and encourage? An older widower you could cook or bake something for? A Bible study to join? If you are stuck at home without a car, you can always call and encourage other believers or write notes to bless them.

I want to end by encouraging you with several scriptures:

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is." Ephesians 5:15-17

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

"She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going." Ecclesiastes 9:10

"Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord." Romans 12:11

Forsake boredom, and zealously pursue a joyful and fruitful life in the Lord!

Easy Chicken Meals on the Fly

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 I have a solution for you that will make dinner much easier the next time you have "one of those days." You know, when everyone is starving and cranky and you need dinner NOW. Are you ready for it?

The next time you cook a chicken, or buy a rotisserie, or bake chicken breasts, chop up the leftovers and freeze in 1 cup portions. I like to freeze as many bags as I can come up with, because they are so handy!

Then, the next day you know its going to be a doozy by dinner time, take out a bag and either thaw in the fridge, or in a bowl of water if you need it faster.

Now here is the list of meals I've come up with that use said cup of chicken:

1) Pizza- Take either a store bought crust or homemade (I do mine in the bread machine, my favorite appliance EVER), lather with red sauce and cheese, and throw the meat on top. For hot wing pizza (my husbands favorite), drench chicken in hot sauce, spread over the plain crust, and put mozarella on top.

2) Pasta- Cook whatever noodles you have on hand, add chicken, and decide on a variety of sauce options. If you have a jar of red or white, go for it! Or you can toss in olive oil and add a simple favorite seasoning. The simplest option of all may be salt and butter, topped with a shredded cheese or even jarred parm.

3) Salad- Chop up some quick veggies and top with chicken and your favorite dressing.

4) A Sandwich- While this isn't an option for a family dinner, every once in awhile when my husband is running late and I have to find something quick to send with him for lunch, I'll defrost a bag of chicken, and add mayo. Voila, chicken sandwich!

5) Soup- I shared my recipe for Chicken (or Turkey) noodle soup here, and it is a great use for your cup of meat. Done in 15 minutes or less!

6) Couscous- Couscous is a brilliant grain because it takes only 5 minutes to make! There are several yummy ideas you can try. Mexican couscous: Add a can of black beans, some frozen corn, a tsp of cumin, and a dollop of salsa or some cheddar. Whatever you like/have on hand! This is good with or without chicken, I like to make it when I'm out of meat and need something with protein quick. Simple: Add your favorite green vegetable (I use either frozen broccoli florets or snow peas) to the couscous, some butter and salt, and sliced almonds (optional), mix with chicken.

7) Casserole- This is a bit more time consuming, but you can add your pre-cooked chicken to a favorite casserole and bake. Think chicken and rice, macaroni, pot pie, etc.

8) Stir fry- Cook a bag of frozen veggies, add chicken, stir in some teriyaki, squeeze a little lemon juice, add freshly grated pepper, and serve over rice.

This is my quick reference list! Can you think of any good ideas to add?

Purposeful Perusals, 3rd Edition

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Divided Movie- I normally post things to read, but this documentary is a MUST see for all Christian families. You can watch the film for free (it just requires you to sign up for a newsletter, we signed up a month ago and have yet to receive anything, no biggie) on the site. Although I must warn you some of it is cheesy, the information presented is excellent. A young man explores the question, "Why are youth leaving the church?"

Establish a Family Service Night- Speaking of the importance of family in ministry, Lindsay Edmonds at Passionate Homemaking has a great list of ideas for ministering to others in your community as a family. Very refreshing concept, and good especially for families with small children.

Blog of the week: All That is Good. Trina Holden's blog has just gotten a new look, and it is very pretty :). Trina is the ultimate DIY, gardening, whole foods and everything natural woman. Be prepared to be intrigued by tipi tales and lessons she learned on the homestead (oh yes, she did live in a tipi!).

Book Review: Real Marriage

I have been really quite intimidated to write my review of Mark and Grace Driscoll's Real Marriage. Since it came out in January I've seen it everywhere, and everywhere it goes it seems to be creating a stir. So, for whatever it's worth, here are my thoughts.

I am encouraged. The Driscolls had a lot of obstacles in the way of developing a happy, healthy marriage. Personal sin, past hurts, and difficulty in relating to one another kept them miserable and distant for a very long time. And yet God in His grace was merciful to bring them to repentance, restoration, and rejoicing. Their testimony screams, "Where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more." And that is very encouraging. Wherever your marriage is, there is hope for improvement. The Driscolls found that hope in Christ, and it is to Christ that they point you.

I am challenged. Am I asking my husband if he thinks I am submissive, respectful, and loving? Mark and Grace tell us to ask our spouses how we are doing, because if my husband doesn't feel respected, then clearly I need to improve. Sometimes our own perceptions of how we treat our spouse are tainted, and I've found that respect can mean something totally different to a man than it does to a woman. This is excellent advice.

I am impressed. Pastor Mark's analysis of our tendency to treat sex as either gross or god was right on. Rather, it is a gift from a loving God. When we treat it as god, we are sinning. When we treat it as gross, we are also sinning. I appreciated the call to be a servant lover and not a selfish lover.

I am skeptical. Chapter 10 is the controversial chapter in which Mark and Grace discuss what married couples can and cannot do when it comes to sex. To be fair to the Driscolls, I think they were trying to carefully examine the Scriptures and make Biblically informed calls where Scripture is silent. That being said, some of the conclusions they come to in this chapter I strongly disagree with. I debated going into specifics here and chose to refrain, as it is not the type of content I want on this blog :). I recommend reading with caution and discernment. A review that I found helpful specifically concerning chapter 10 can be read here.

Parts of this book are helpful. Other parts maybe not so much. Whenever you read any book you must mentally engage and use your discernment. It is important to remember that no human being is infallible, and the only inerrant book is the Bible. Even though Mark Driscoll is right on about many things, he is not without weak spots.

For example, as a reformed Christian committed to the Lord's Day as the Christian Sabbath, I was disappointed with Pastor Mark writing off the fourth commandment as the only one of the ten no longer applicable today. It bothered me when he talked about "sabbathing" with your spouse as simply resting and relaxing, when that was only half of the Lord's design (Sabbath= rest+worship). This was a very minor component of his book, yet because of its importance to me personally, stuck with me as an irritant. I know that I am on a rabbit trail now, so maybe we can save this topic for another time :).

Read with discretion and wisdom. I think some critics of this book have been too harsh, and others too accepting. There is definitely good to be reaped from it.  That's my two cents :).

Do I Love My Husband?

All of this writing and talking and thinking about love and marriage has birthed a question in my mind: Do I love my husband?

Certainly I love him; I married him, I enjoy him, I love who he is and just being with him. But if love is an action word, how am I doing at loving him in the nitty-gritty aspects of our life?

In the quiet of my mind I looked up hesitantly at this giant of a question.  Embarrassed, unsure if I really wanted to examine... and the answer stared back down at me. I am still so selfish, so very unloving.

Timeliness matters to my husband, starting family devotions right at eight. I know this... but I still selfishly try to cram as much as I can get done into the last few minutes and always cause us to start late. I'm not loving him.

My husband is encouraged to faithfulness in early morning devotions when I get up at the same time as him. Yet each day this week I've snuggled deeper under the covers, letting him face the cold early hour alone, fighting sleepiness more bravely than I. I've lingered where he wants to linger and rushed out of bed at the last possible minute, adding stress to both of our mornings. I haven't loved him.

When the little thought nagged me from the back of my head that I should take care of something he normally does just to lighten his load, I suppressed it and went back to what I wanted to do.  I've listened and let the baby fuss, waiting for him to put down his work so that I didn't have to put down mine. I've failed to prioritize the things he's asked me to prioritize. This is not love.

I've nagged and complained and dumped, adding burdens to the back already weighed down with family cares.

This week I am forcing myself to stop pushing the little voice down, and to actually listen and act on its instructions. To be ready and waiting a few minutes before eight each night. To rise with him when the alarm goes off (for Pete's sake, I can get back in bed for a nap later, unlike him!). To willingly and joyfully put his needs and desires first.

It is hard, because I am selfish and love self more than I love him.

So I must ask you dear reader,

Do you love your husband?

Linked Up With: Proverbs 31 Thursday and Hearts 4 Home.

Close Knit Couples Have Fun

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As we've covered the different elements of a close knit marriage; local church involvement, reading, prayer, communication, and filling Biblical roles; I would be remiss if I failed to mention this important point: close knit couples have fun together.

In all of your labors both physical and spiritual, make sure to incorporate times for relaxation and fun. Play games, watch movies, go for a walk, get out to eat, see a play, laugh together. Share that amusing YouTube video that you found today with your husband. Incorporate fun traditions into your family life that you both relish celebrating together. Do something out of the ordinary like hitting up a local carnival, or visiting a random museum or tourist attraction.

In our house we CELEBRATE the weekends!!! Friday mornings I try to make something fun and extra delicious for breakfast. When Niall comes home from work that night it is time for homemade pizza and a movie. On snow days we like to stay in our pajamas and have cinnamon rolls and drink tea in bed.

The first year after we got married Niall and I performed in our community's Shakespeare in the park together. It was a big time commitment and kept us super busy, but it was fun because we were doing something we  both loved together.

What interests do you and your husband share? How can you invest in these interests together? Be creative and find ways to have a good time together!

Are there things that your husband enjoys which are not your cup of tea? Muster up your best attitude and watch that football game with him, or go fishing, or whatever. My husband is obsessed with shooting. I did once venture to the range with him to give his pistol a try. It wasn't my favorite thing to do, and to my chagrin I must confess that I haven't gone since. *Honey, I know you are reading this, so please try to contain your excitement and refrain from rubbing it in :)* As a loving wife I need to get out there with him again and learn to enjoy the things that he enjoys with him.

Which of your husbands interests appeal to you least? And how can you participate in them with a cheerful attitude?

So now I am curious to hear from you. How do you and your husband have a good time together? Please share :)!   

Linked Up With: Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers, and Encourage One Another.                                                                          

Close Knit Couples Fill their Roles

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"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her by the washing of water with the word...in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies...However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:22-33.

The first wife ever created was Eve, and the purpose for which she was created was to be a helper to her husband, a companion, because it was not good for man to be alone. Part of the curse that resulted from the fall of man into sin was that the wife would desire to usurp and manipulate her husband and his authority. I am sorry to say that every woman ever since Eve has struggled with God's command to submit.

God has specifically called YOU to be the wife of your husband. We read in Proverbs 12:4 that "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband," while quarrelsome and nagging wives bring shame, strife and misery (it is better to live in a desert or the corner of a house top than with a nag). You and only you can be your husband's wife, you alone are equipped to bless him by excelling in this area. You must fill your role.

What is the role of a godly wife?

1) A godly wife submits. As seen in Ephesians 5, and also 1 Peter 3, God has called women to submit (obey, follow, respect) to their husbands. This is SO hard. Maybe you don't think you struggle with this. But you do. I didn't even think about submission my first year of marriage. "Sure, I submit to Niall," I thought. "I usually agree with him and we get along okay." But I harbored ungodly attitudes of wanting things my way, and thinking that my thoughts and ideas were superior. When my husband made a decision for our family, inwardly I rebelled. This is still a daily struggle. How is your attitude? I love what Elizabeth George says; at all times we are either yielding or bucking. Are you gracious and submissive in your heart of hearts? Your words? Your actions?

2) A godly wife respects. This is another tricky area that you might think you have down. I dare you to follow the advice of Mark and Grace Driscoll, and ask your husband, "Am I respectful to you?" Sometimes we disrespect our husband with our speech. Telling your friends about what stupid or frustrating thing he did, or what he does that bothers you, is disrespectful. Behaving rudely and correcting harshly or unnecessarily is disrespectful. If you wouldn't treat your pastor, or your boss, or a professor in this way, then you certainly should not treat the most important man in your life this way either.

3) A godly wife helps. Again I must share Elizabeth George's wisdom with you :). At all times you are either being a help or a hindrance to your husband. As you go about your day making choices concerning what you will do, how you will respond, ask yourself, "Will this help or hinder my husband?"

It's a tough calling. Loving, submitting to, respecting and helping one sinful man as a sinful woman is no simple task. Praise God, we have an excellent example of submission who equips us for our calling! Christ "became obedient, even to death on a cross," out of love for us and in submission to His Father. As you strive for submission to your husband in your own life, look to Christ and be encouraged. And fill your role.

Linked Up With: Titus 2sday, Teach Me Tuesday, and Gratituesday. 

Close Knit Couples Communicate

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 Whatever book you pick up on marriage, whatever marriage conference or retreat you attend, whoever you seek for marriage counsel- one key topic is bound to come up: communication. Communication (or the lack of it) can make you or break you as a couple. Nothing has the potential to affect your relationship with your spouse as much as the words you do or do not say to each other. While I am no expert on the topic and this list is not comprehensive, here are some things to keep in mind as you communicate with your honey:

• Time- Having good conversations and keeping open lines of communication takes time. Lots of it! Take time throughout your day to speak with each other; at the breakfast table, calls and texts sprinkled through the day when you are apart, at dinner, and in bed at the end of the day. And make sure to set aside times in the evenings and weekends to get out or stay in together, for the purpose of communicating, enjoying one anothers' company, and getting on the same page.

• Timeliness-Knowing when to say things is of the utmost importance in healthy communication. For example, last week when Niall came home after work and was discouraged about something that had happened that day, it was not a good time for me to knit pick him for not hearing something I'd just said. Yeah, timeliness is not my strong suit. I've heard several women say that when your husband comes home, give him time and space to unwind before you start yacking away. It is tempting when you're alone with little people who don't speak proper English all day to just unload on the one adult in your life when he walks through the door. But be patient. Also, read his moods. If he is already down, don't add to his burdens by unloading your grievances.

• Tenderness- "A soft answer turns away wrath," goes the Proverb, and it is very true. This is another difficult area for me. I have a sharp tongue. I am quick to get frustrated and speak unkindly. A passage that has been convicting to me recently is Ephesians 4:1-3; "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Good communication words; humility, gentleness, patience, love, unity, peace. Soak it in to your speech.

• Truth- God's Word teaches us to "speak the truth in love." This should go without saying, but we MUST be HONEST with our husbands (no secrets). We also must be careful to kindly address sin we observe in our spouse (don't forget timeliness and tenderness when so doing!), and graciously and respectfully explain frustrations we may feel (not letting them build, causing bitterness or an explosion). Note, all in love.

• Thoroughness- As married couples we need to discuss everything; finances, church, our days, work, parenting, extended family and friendships, the car, Scripture, what we're reading, etc. Cover all the bases with the man in your life. You should know what he thinks on all important topics (and on a lot of the less important things too). Healthy friendship and marriage thrives on broad and deep conversation. 

What tips do you have to add to the list, married ladies? Bonus points if they start with a "T" ;). 

Purposeful Perusals, 2nd Edition

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Things You Should Never Tell Your Husband- What??? But Rachel, you are supposed to tell your husband everything! Yes, I know dear reader. Head to the Domestibabe's blog anyway to read this humorous and helpful post :). You will understand.


Tips for a Quiet Time in a Crazy Life- I loved this post on The Better Mom. Not only was I given new insight on how to put the Lord first each day, I was encouraged to meditate on His Word and pray throughout the day in practical and memorable ways. Every mom (ok, everybody) will benefit from this.

Book Ideas for February-If you're looking for a new good read, head on over to see Lacey Wilcox's four suggestions (marriage and parenting related). She has excellent taste!

Blog of the Week: Amy of Making a Joyful Home is such an encouragement to me. Her story of leaving work to be a homemaker (even though she does not yet have children yet) to better fulfill the Titus 2:3-5 passage is truly inspiring. Read and be encouraged.

The Cost of Procrastination

Just wanted to share, I've got a guest post up at Money Saving Mom today :). It is about what procrastination can cost you. Head on over to Money Saving Mom to check it out!

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The Story of Niall and I

 Today I thought I'd take another brief respite from our Close Knit Marriage series and share the story of how my husband and I met and ended up married :). It is the month in which we celebrate romantic love after all.

In the fall of 2006, I transferred from a small Bible school in New York state to Baptist Bible College of Clark Summit, PA. It was my junior year. I knew a handful of people that attended BBC, which helped me to feel a little less awkward about being the new kid. I auditioned for a small choral group in the first few days after my arrival, and was thrilled to be accepted.

 The first day of choir practice I nervously found my way to the basement of "Buckingham" (the music building). I was the third person to arrive. As people slowly filtered in, one young man attempted to get my attention. "Are you Vandalen?" He asked.

This will forever embarrass me.  Because Niall has a stray eye, and because I had no idea what "Vandalen" meant, I did not know that he was talking to me. It took me a minute to realize it was in fact me that he was addressing, and all I could offer back was a confused,"What?' and wary look. Turns out the sister of his R.D was a member of the choir, and their last name was Vandalen. But I digress.

As the practice began and introductions were made, someone elbowed Niall and obnoxiously said, "Tell everyone where you're from!" He made a face and responded, "Jamaica!" Everyone laughed.

"Hmm," I thought. "I've never seen a red-headed Jamaican. Maybe he was an MK?" Silly gullible me. Niall happens to be a big joker, and to this day can pull the wool over my eyes with very little trouble. In reality Niall is from Ireland, but he hated being singled out for this fact and just wanted to blend in. This means that my Irish husband sounds very American, and you would never know he was foreign, because he hates the attention and silly questions people ask when they find out where he is from. Again I digress.

 As I went about my business of attending chapels and meals and classes over the course of the next few weeks, I noticed that Niall and I had a lot of common friends. Or so I thought... there I go being naive again. Everywhere I went, he was there, or showed up shortly after. A lot of my guy friends were in the same dorm as him though, so I thought nothing of it.

I also noticed that I really enjoyed Niall's company. Oftentimes after dinner a group of us would stay at the table, drinking tea (a favorite pastime for both of us) and having lively discussions on everything from theology to politics to music. Niall had firm convictions, and was not afraid to share them, even when those convictions made him unpopular. I admired his boldness, and was greatly challenged in my thinking.

Not long after this I began to realize that Niall showing up everywhere I was might be an indicator of greater interest than what I'd initially assumed. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but he was a great guy and I did enjoy his company. One Sunday afternoon as we sat by the pond (famous on campus as a "couple" spot) he expressed interest in getting to know me better. And then we began the several month period of acting like a couple but denying the fact that we were dating :). To the great amusement and annoyance of all of our friends.

In January Niall officially called my Father and asked permission to date me. To clarify, I know a lot of people get hung up on the word "dating" and prefer "courtship." Personally, I don't care what you call it, as long as you are honoring the Lord in your relationship. Neither of us had a car, so if we went off campus it was always in a group. On campus students weren't allowed to touch members of the opposite sex, so we basically spent a lot of time walking and talking. This was great as it allowed us to focus on the essentials, and not just physical contact. We were able to discuss what we believed and why, on theology, parenting, the Church, marriage, and life in general.

After a rough patch in the late summer of 07, Niall realized that he did want to marry me after all :). He proposed that fall, and in June 2008 we married, a month after graduating college.

Lessons I learned from this experience? True love is not an emotional high of romantic feeling. How did I know that Niall was the one? Whenever I wondered, I would assess on paper his character, and the things that made us compatible. I found that he loved God and wanted to serve Him, was growing in his relationship to the Lord, and that we were in agreement theologically. He was a hard worker (very important to me as I wanted a man who would faithfully provide for his family) and was spoken well of by those who he worked for and who knew him best. He loved his family and had good relationships with them. They liked me for Niall, and I liked them for in-laws. I got along great with his friends, and he got along great with mine, which indicated that we could be good friends (and we were!). We agreed upon what was important in a church and attended the same one together regularly. I wanted to be a stay at home mom who nurtured her children and husband, and he highly valued this desire of mine. In short, it was a logical decision based on righteous priorities. And marriage has been wonderful for us because of the solid foundation we began on.

Close Knit Couples Pray Together

Photo By Kevin Rawlings

 I’m sure you’ve heard the clichés before; “A couple that prays together stays together.” “It is hard to stay mad at someone you are praying for.” And so they go. When my husband met Ian Paisley (the controversial preacher and politician of Northern Ireland) a few months before our wedding, he asked the Reverend for marital advice. His top piece of wisdom? “Every morning when you get out of bed, get down on your knees and pray with your wife, and let the first words that your eyes see be the Word of God.” Although we may not agree with Mr. Paisley on everything, that is some pretty excellent advice.

If the Bible commands us to “pray without ceasing,” “in every place,” and assures us that where two or three are gathered, Christ is in the midst of us, don’t you think our Heavenly Father envisioned husbands and wives praying together? The clichés I referenced have become clichés with good reason, and deserve our earnest application, because they are true. Here are some of the benefits of praying as a couple:

    1. Prayer opens communication- Niall and I have found that as we spend time in prayer together (each morning and evening), we spend more time just chatting with each other before and after. Some of our best conversations come after times of prayer. If we’ve prayed and gotten our hearts right with the Lord, we are free to communicate honestly, humbly and lovingly with one another. 

  2. Prayer makes us vulnerable- When you speak to God, you are baring your heart, soul and mind to the Creator who sees and knows all. Sitting with our spouse as they do this and we do eliminates barriers that might exist in regular speaking with each other. Being vulnerable and open with your spouse is essential to building trust and affection. 

    3. Prayer is a reflection of what is in our heart of hearts- This builds on point two. Are you wondering what’s on your husband’s mind? Pray with him and find out, as you listen to him sharing it with the Lord. Do you wish he had a window into your soul? Again, prayer can be that window for your husband.

4. Prayer unites us to God and each other- As we seek the Lord, we are drawing near to Him. If two people are drawing near to God, they are simultaneously drawing nearer to one another as well. 

    5. Prayer focuses our priorities- Our relationship with God must always be our first priority in life. When we put the Lord first as a couple by setting apart specific time for prayer together, we are saying that God matters the most in our marriage. The Lord will honor a couple who makes this commitment. 

  

6. Prayer sanctifies us- Have you ever allowed your sin to cloud your relationship with God throughout the day? I am ashamed to admit this is the case with me all too often. When I sit down with Niall at the end of the day for prayer, many times I’ve said, “Honey, why don’t just you pray tonight.” This really means, “Honey, I’m not right with the Lord and don’t think I can talk to Him right now.” Fortunately my husband is wise enough to understand. His gentle prodding helps me to repent and restore my relationship to the Lord through audible prayer. The Lord has used my husband as a tool for sanctification in my life through prayer. 

I urge you to commit to praying with your husband daily! Just see if it doesn’t draw you closer to your husband and closer to the Lord.

“You have said, ‘Seek my face.’ My heart says to you, ‘Your face, Lord, do I seek.’”

Linked Up With: Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers, Wise Woman, and Encourage One Another.

Book Review: Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God

Today I am taking a break from our Cultivating a Close Knit Marriage Series to share one of January's books with you, Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God, by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock.

Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock have both been responsible for teaching the Home Economics program at the Master's College in California. This book is derived from the curriculum they teach. They base the entire content of their book on the attributes of a Wise Woman, as portrayed in Proverbs 31. Specifically they focus on 11 attributes a Wise Woman possesses; Virtuous, Trustworthy, Energetic, Physically Fit, Economical, Unselfish, Prepared, Honorable, Prudent, Loveable, and God-Fearing. Wow, who doesn't need a little more of her in their life???

This is basically the quintessential handbook for a Christian Woman! Pat and Lisa cover practically everything, from hospitality to finances to manners. Their style is simple and approachable, and the practical advice they give is centered on Scripture and easy enough to understand and implement. The only reason I was able to cruise through this puppy in a month (a lot of ground is covered, so it's a substantial read) is because I knew that my Pastor's wife and I are going to be going through it this year together, one chapter at a time.

If you are looking for a book to encourage you in your role as a woman, and to paint a Biblical picture of virtuous womanhood, this would be an excellent choice. Happy reading!

What books have been a source of encouragement to you lately?

Linked Up With: Titus 2sday, Growing Home and Gratituesday.

Close Knit Couples Read Together

Photo by Nina Matthews

Some of my favorite memories over the three and a half years Niall and I have been married include times of reading together. I remember during our honeymoon sitting out on the deck under Florida sun reading Henry James’ The Portrait of a Lady. In the summer we love to sit on our own porch after dinner and listen to a tale of Sherlock Holmes or science fiction (his favorite, not mine :D), and winter finds us doing the same inside, curled up on the couch, cups of tea in hand (usually chocolate is also involved). We read The Hobbit on a road trip, and lately Julia Child’s My Life in France has been our great enjoyment (caution: do not read when hungry!). Most evenings right before bed Niall reads a chapter or two of Scripture out loud.

So what? You might think. What if reading isn’t everybody’s thing? You may have a point. But I have several good reasons why you ought to at least consider reading together as a couple. 

1) Reading can be a more wholesome form of entertainment then just sitting in front of the tv. Think about it; reading requires active thinking, while watching tv is passive. Reading fosters thoughtful communication, while watching tv does not (interrupting a show to say something usually causes annoyance to other people watching). Reading entertains while educating, and although some shows may do the same, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most of the time what you watch is simply entertaining. Not necessarily a bad thing (right now we look forward to watching “Downton Abbey” on Friday nights), but for your regular unwinding times, maybe you’d like to invest it in something of greater value. We often feel guilty over time wasted when we’ve just plopped in front of the television, but have NEVER felt that way after opening a book together!

2) Reading encourages thoughtful discussions. In the course of your reading, often you will come across ideas or thoughts that you might not have considered left to your own devices. How wonderful to chat with your husband about these things! You might be surprised at things you learn about him, and you might be challenged to think differently in certain areas. Reading will broaden the topics you discuss, and will encourage even more open conversation after you put the book down. 

3) Reading gets you on the same wave length. It is very easy to wind up just co-existing with your spouse. Life is busy, and each one of you has different responsibilities to take care of, and different ways of relaxing and unwinding. There was a good chunk of time in our early marriage when Niall would be in one room on the computer, and I would be in another room working on something else, reading, or just on another computer. What a shame! How can you really connect with a roommate you aren’t spending significant time with? When you read together, you are leaving your separate interests and getting on the same page, and hopefully talking more (see number two).

These are a couple of reasons why you and your husband might benefit from the lost art of reading J. Maybe you’re sold on the idea, but don’t know where to start. Here are a few suggestions:

-If nothing else, make sure that you are at least reading Scripture together! God’s Word is of the utmost importance, and being on the same page where Scripture is concerned is one of the most important factors in your marriage. 

-Don’t feel overwhelmed or pressured to finish what you start. Niall and I have started many many books together, and rarely finished one. That is okay! The time spent while we were reading was beneficial, and if we move on to something else of greater interest before finishing, what does it really matter? For example, I loved reading Sherlock Holmes together, but Niall found it hard to concentrate on when hearing it out loud. So we chose something else. Make sure that what you are reading is fun for everyone, the goal of this is not to add one more stressor to your already hectic life. 

-Incorporate reading into activities you already have to do. I know of one couple that while the wife is washing dishes after dinner, the husband reads to her. How sweet J! When Niall and I drove to work together, oftentimes I would read a daily devotional reading from Voices from the Past. Be creative! 

-Read snippets of interest to one another from books you are reading individually. If you are each already reading on your own, share things that pop out to you with the other person. This is another way to get on the same page and have good discussions. 

May you enjoy the richness of reading together, and may it bless your marriage! 

Linked Up With: Better Mom and Teach Me Tuesday

Purposeful Perusal, 1st Edition

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Ahh, the weekend, here at last :). Here are some links for your enjoyment. Read them and don't feel guilty, because you are investing your time in something of value!

Why you shouldn't read this blog- Nursery of the Nation presents excellent guidelines for Mama's surfing the web. Super convicting. Don't just read and nod your head, take it to heart and truly apply it!!!

Tackling a dreaded chore- Jacinda of Growing Home Blog shares how she cleaned her very dirty refrigerator. I love that she shares pictures, because it makes me feel less ashamed and alone! Her advice is also helpful. Go be inspired :).

A Letter to My Children on Marriage- Head on over to Raising Homemakers for a beautiful letter crafted by a mom for her kids on what marriage is truly about. 

Blog of the Week: Muthering Heights and other Senseless Sensibilities. If the title alone doesn't tip you off to Jessica Height's cleverness, then reading her posts certainly will. Beautiful photography compliments sweet motherly sentiments. I highly recommend for your edification and inspiration!

February Goals

Goodbye January, hello February!

I am pleased to report that January's goals for 3in30 were a success! I feel like I've started to become more grafted into the 3in30 community, and with that has come good peer pressure to actually follow through on the things I've said I would do. Here were last month's goals and how they panned out:

1. Exercise 3xs a week- Did this every week but one (in which I exercised 2xs, so not too shabby).

2. Read 6 books- The scariest goal of the three! I cut it very close (reading the last few pages of the last book very quickly only moments before hitting the sack on Jan. 31st... kind of reminded me of college lol), but managed to do it! The books; 1)The Coupon Mom's Guide to Cutting Your Grocery Bill in Half by Stephanie Nelson, 2)Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy, 3)The Excellent Mother by John MacArthur, 4)The Magician's Nephew by C.S Lewis, 5)Becoming a Woman that Pleases God by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock, and finally, 6)God's Solutions to Life's Problems by Wayne and Joshua Mack. Click on the highlighted links to read my reviews, haven't reviewed all yet unfortunately.

Some of the Pictures in need of frames

 3. Purge and organize my daughter's nursery- Completed, but the walls are looking a little bare. Decorating is definitely the next step as time and money allows :). I have some beautiful pictures I want to hang, but am having trouble finding the right size frame... 11x12, go figure. See the before pictures here.

For February, these are the three things  I hope to accomplish:

1. Develop a morning routine that works well for me, and gets all of the really important things I need to do done!

2. Read 6 more books; the picture at the top of this post displays my selections- 1)Knowing God by J.I Packer, 2)Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll, 3)The Office of Assertion by Scott Crider, 4)Damsels in Distress by Martha Peace, 5)Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider (represented here by my navy blue Kindle cover as I have the ebook version), and 6)The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S Lewis.

3. Purge and organize our office. A very scary place that I refer to as the cave. Ever since we moved in (a week and a half before my hospitalized bed rest) we've just dumped whatever we didn't know what to do with here. Going to tackle this by setting a timer for 15 minutes every week day.

Scary, I know...

I can't believe I am actually posting these online. How embarrassing!

Oh the piles

As you can see, I have my work cut out for me. What are your goals for February?